The number of families who complain that their children are angry is increasing day by day. Examples of violence can be given in a wide range from crying crises of children to physical harm to others, themselves or the things around them. Does the child express himself in this way because he is not really understood and understood? Or does he resort to these behaviors because he cannot get what he wants, rather than not being understood?
Knowing the child well and understanding the reason behind what we define as violence will provide a great advantage in solving the problem. If your child is generally calm but shows extreme behavior when it comes to what they want, it may not be an angry child but a child who has learned to anger. Especially children’s requests are endless. They may always want to either do something or have something removed. This is natural when it comes to children. What parents have to do here is to guide their children. Failure to make requests from the child unfairly or for no reason will cause the child to feel inhibited and therefore angry.
The child will try ways to get what he wants. Crying, throwing yourself down, shouting, hurting someone else, hurting yourself, etc. It is possible to observe the reactions. It will increase the frequency of doing anything that he or she gets what he wants. Because it worked. It will work for another one. And he will use these behaviors whenever he can’t get what he wants. When parents resist a little, it continues to get what it wants by increasing its intensity or prolonging its duration. So he has learned to act angry. In other words, he is acting angry not because he really feels anger, but because it works. He/she can start to apply this learned behavior in his/her social environment. While playing with his friends, he may use these behaviors when he does not want to or to sabotage the game.
The angry child also manifests itself physically. The child’s eyes do not see anything. He may not know that he is hurting himself, too. These situations require different interventions. These interventions are more structured and have longer implementation times.
If anger has arisen in a way, it should be intervened. If not, the level does not decrease, remains the same, or often increases in intensity and time. The first step is to do nothing. I’m not talking about ignoring your child or going about your own business here. Actually, I’m talking about active passivity. You should wait for your child to calm down within a distance where you can observe your child and see you. It is important that you do not react while you wait. In such situations, you notice that children are looking at your eyes or lips. They expect a reaction from you because they are expressing themselves. Your unresponsiveness is to show that you do not accept him expressing himself in this way.
You can say periodically, “I’m waiting for you to calm down, then I’m ready to talk to you”. Ask her to tell you what happened when she calms down and comes to you. Understand the emotion she’s going through, give her credit, and talk about whether her reaction was right. Because he may not know any other way. Even if he knows, he may betray himself by saying “but you don’t do what I say”.
Understand that she doesn’t want to do what she wants, it’s natural. Make your child feel this as well, but tell them in a soft and confident language that some things will not happen when they want, not to insist on it, even if they insist, you will not do it under those conditions, and be really determined about it. Bring up his reaction, of course. Mention that people can get angry from time to time, and there are times when you get angry too. But every time he gets angry, point out that you didn’t do what he did. You can even tell your boss or an elder in a funny way to soften the atmosphere. If he doesn’t know, you can tell him how to express his anger and how to relax. Afterwards, you can invite him to a short event where he can throw his energy away to distract him.
Title: Is It Really Anger You Observe In Your Child?
Abstract: The number of families who complain that their children are angry is increasing day by day. Examples of violence can be given in a wide range from crying crises of children to physical harm to others, themselves or the things around them. Does the child express himself in this way because he is not really understood and understood? Or does he resort to these behaviors because he cannot get what he wants, rather than not being understood?
