What is Attachment Theory? (Attachment Theory)
According to the theory developed by the British psychologist John Bowlby and the American-Canadian psychologist Mary Ainswort in the years 1960-1970, the emotional bond formed with the caregiver (parents) during infancy affects the romantic relationships established in adulthood. Babies’ perceptions of life in the first years of life (0-5) change according to the attitude of the caregiver. This bond with the caregiver emerges as a secure and insecure attachment. Insecure attachment is also divided into three as anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, and fearful/avoidant attachment.
- Secure Attachment
As the name suggests, this attachment style is based on “Trust”. A secure attachment is formed in children who are adequately cared for in early childhood and whose wishes and needs are met in a timely and correct manner. Thus, they feel more moderate, tolerant, safe and stable in later ages. They make confident decisions in their relationships, without relying on their partner’s approval. They have positive thoughts about themselves and others. They freely express their feelings without fear of being disliked or rejected. Instead of creating drama or tripping after a fight or argument, they are solution-oriented.
What is healthy and desired is to provide secure attachment.
- Insecure Attachment
It can occur in situations where secure attachment does not occur. It is analyzed in three categories.
- Preoccupied Attachment
Anxious insecure attachment may occur in infants neglected by caregivers. Sometimes being interested, sometimes being indifferent, and suddenly disappearing, trigger the feeling of distrust of their parents in the child. That’s why he wants to make sure that they are always by his side. He becomes restless when separated from his parents, and it is difficult for him to calm down until he is near him.
An anxiously attached person feels responsible for the feelings of others in their adult relationships. With the fear of abandonment, they become individuals who are insecure, dependent, jealous, have trouble trusting, and need the presence of others in order to survive. They need constant encouragement to feel good about themselves. In advanced cases, they may exhibit manipulative attitudes in their relationships.
- Dismissing-Avoidant Attachment
It may occur when the caregiver ignores the needs of the baby/child or finds it difficult to respond. It occurs in situations such as ignoring the child’s feelings, not being able to reach the caregiver when he needs help, or not being taken care of. Thus, in the child, “When I need help, I should not go to my parent.” a perception arises.
These individuals become cold and distrustful people in their future relationships, avoiding attachment and close relationships, like “The Lonely Man”. They are usually in short and temporary relationships because they do not feel safe in a long-term relationship. Situations such as hiding something from their partner and having difficulty expressing their feelings openly are observed.
- Fearful-Avoidant Attachment
It can occur as a result of neglect, abuse and trauma during infancy. The absence of parents becomes a source of both comfort and fear.
People with a fearful/avoidant attachment style develop both anxious and avoidant attachment characteristics in their future relationships. They are both willing to establish close relationships and exhibit avoidant attitudes. They have difficulty controlling their emotions with fear of rejection, insecurity. Individuals who experience this style intensely may also have different personality disorders. They oscillate between love and hate.
Is It Possible to Reconnect Securely in Adulthood?
If you’re encountering hints of insecure attachment in yourself or your partner, you don’t have to fight it forever. You can benefit from different therapy schools to have a healthy and safe relationship. For this;
*To notice,
* wanting to change
* take action
*Start the therapy process
You can follow their steps.
Note: This article is for awareness and information purposes only. Psychological disorders are only diagnosed by mental health professionals and treated with scientific methods. Having symptoms can only be clues that you have this syndrome. You should definitely get professional support for recovery.
