Children go through some developmental stages
until they grow up. Stubbornness is also a natural feature that emerges in some of these developmental periods.
Obstinacy is the persistence of an individual in any event or behavior that is acceptable or for no apparent reason.
It covers a period starting from 18 months to 4 years old. In this period, the child has become aware of himself. It strives for individualisation. This period is also known as 2 AGE SYNDROME. Likewise, adolescents who are trying to prove themselves in adolescence may display stubborn behaviors.
In this particular case, the family should be careful and pay attention to some issues during the development process. In case of not paying attention, the family and the child experience difficulties and the relations between them deteriorate.
1-The child’s stubbornness should not be responded to stubbornly.
Stubbornness between the ages of 2-18 months and 4 years should be adopted as a natural feature of development.
3- If the adult shows a stubborn attitude towards stubbornness, it causes it to settle in the child as a PERSONALITY trait.
4-Behaviors expected from children should be explained clearly and comprehensibly.
5-Explanations to children should be made after their basic needs are satisfied. Like eating, sleeping, cleaning.
6-During stubbornness, the attention of the child should be diverted.
7-Demands from the child, not during the stubborn behavior; Maybe it can be done after it gets back to normal.
8- It is necessary not to interfere with the child’s every behavior by finding fault.
9-Some negative behaviors can be forgotten by ignoring them.
10- It is necessary not to distinguish between siblings so that the environment for the emergence of stubbornness behavior is not prepared.
11- It is necessary to avoid labels such as “stubborn like so-and-so and so-and-so was stubborn”.
12-Some children, usually children of working mothers, may also be obstinate for attention. As much as possible, such mothers should create times where they can be alone with their children, talk and play with them.
13-Adults, especially mother; They should make their children feel loved at every opportunity by giving importance to skin contact, including the father.
14-Generally, these attitudes are common during shopping. The child wants to use the adult by holding on to get something. Because there will be many people who will say, “What will happen if the child does not cry, take what you want”.
15-Based on the above reason, the child’s basic needs should be met before leaving the house, and the child should be resolutely told that nothing will be taken.
16-Or ”We are thinking of buying you something like this. However, the preliminary speech such as “we will pick it up by choosing, look, you should not rush” must be made emphatically and decisively.
17-If our decision is a decision, it should not be done at that moment, even if it cries or staggers.
18-Because the child learns how to be successful against the adult.
19- Good eye contact should be established while talking to the child and expressing our request; When stubborn behavior occurs, we should be a reminder with our eyes.
20-Toilet training should be sensitive, and this training should not be persistently given before the child completes his mental and muscular development
21- The characteristics of the developmental process in the child should always be taken into account.
22- In the face of stubborn behavior, the behaviors will be different according to the age characteristics of the 18-month-old child and the 4-year-old child.
23- Adults should be firm in their attitudes.
24- A determined attitude must be supportive with body language.
25- Parents should believe their own attitude first so that there is no problem in practice.
26-The child’s reasonable wishes should be granted, however, there should be a limit to all reasonable requests.
27-Positions that will create an environment of stubbornness should be avoided in adolescence.
28- The attitudes of the parents should be common so that the adolescent does not have problems. If one of the parents has negative feelings for the other and makes the adolescent feel it, a position of stubbornness is created. Because, one party fulfills all kinds of requests without any limits. That person is loved. Because the other side tries to set boundaries, it becomes the bad side.
29-Each age has its own characteristics and the duration, type, application style, time, environment, etc. of the behaviors to be developed. will be different.
30-Although the items I have prepared above are taken into consideration, it is useful to get help from an expert for the skills to act in accordance with the details and characteristics.
ÖZNUR SIMAV
PEDAGOG- FAMILY AND COMMUNICATION COUNSELLER
