Parents want to have a say over their children, they don’t want their children to keep their word, they don’t like it when they do the things they say not to do. But have you managed to say “no” to your child? Did you make him feel your limit?
Have you ever wondered why children’s disobedience to rules, aggression and individuality have increased so much today? There may be many reasons for this situation, let’s take a look at them first;
Having late children,
Being an expected child,
Being a working parent,
Parents growing up without parental love,
The effort to protect the child from the conflicts between the parents,
There may be many reasons like this. First of all, I would like to address these situations. Today, as the age of being a parent increases, it brings along late having a child. If you have a child late, especially if this is a feeling you long for, you reflect this directly on the child, right? Or are you not aware? Let’s start with a few questions; Who makes the rules at home? Who wants to cook? Who wants to watch TV show? Do you know no when you know it’s wrong? How much do you apply the “don’t talk” rule that you learned from your parents? Maybe that’s enough? The idea they put forward is the sentences that start with “I found it too late” “I waited too long but” and the endless leave that follows. Perhaps the biggest problem of our time is that working parents can’t spare enough time for their children due to their workload, so the feeling of conscience for their children outweighs and I don’t worry, they look at the situation with what will happen. Yes, parents unfortunately work until very late in today’s conditions, children leave their mothers at an early age, sometimes they grow up with caregivers and sometimes with the support of adults. He sees his parents from night to night and sometimes leaves before he wakes up very early. You are right, you cannot spare much time for your child, but the solution should not be to give him endless credit, instead, it is important to allocate that effective time, which you hear as quality time in the rest of the day, and pass on what the room is. Sometimes it should be cooking together, sometimes telling a story after a conversation about how the day went, and sometimes playing games in a way that will stay in sweat. The compensation for the time you can’t spare for your child should never be expensive toys or endless leave, if this is not taken care of, insatiability and selfishness will begin to appear in the future, and unhappy children will grow up. Individuals and families are sometimes positively affected by the negative attitudes they see, and sometimes unfortunately, they are negatively affected. How Does?
An unhappy child growing up in conflict normalizes this situation in his life as he gets used to this situation later in life. When she becomes an adult and gets married, she transfers the situation she has experienced since childhood to her life. For an individual who grew up in conflict, do you think arguing and shouting is perhaps an abnormal state of violence? Of course, there is no such thing as the same effects will be experienced in every individual, this situation can also be the opposite, how? An individual who is tired of problems may adopt the idea that “I will not let my child experience this, I will not upset him, and I will do whatever he wants”. The next step of this situation is to bring endless understanding towards your child. Or parents who have problems in their own family do not want their children to feel this situation, and they remove the word “no” from their literature so that they don’t get upset. Now I seem to hear the reaction from you, “So we will always be so strict?” No, of course you won’t be that cruel. Children’s wishes are important, something we want children to say their wishes is a situation where it reveals their individuality. For the development of self-confidence, he needs to express his own ideas and feelings, but in this process, it is not the right behavior not to set limits on the child so that he can develop self-confidence. Children want, always or always want more, the important thing is that you show where to stand. The biggest mistake families and family sizes make is waiting for the child to grow up. When he grows up, he starts to set rules, but at this point, the personality development of the child is shaped by the data he has accumulated, this point should not be forgotten.
It is very important for parents to start communicating with their children in the womb and to explain the subject in a language they can understand, regardless of their age. Their ideas should be taken and a common path should be found and the result should be reached. If the child’s behavior is not approved, a logical and coherent explanation should be given. The behavior of the child who understands what he should not do and why is much easier to settle, and this is the right thing. Making a statement at a young age and reaching an agreement with family meetings in later ages strengthens the child’s trust in the family and is extremely important for his personal development.
If we want happy children, care and value your children. Children do not feel valuable with expensive toys, they feel their value with the importance of their ideas.
Exp. Child Development
Funda ÇİÇEK
