KEEP YOUR EXPECTATION HIGH
“Keeping high expectations in relationships causes many problems; Therefore, there is a common but erroneous proposition such as “Keep your expectations low and you will be happier”.
Donald Baucom has spent more than ten years researching the subject of expectations in marriage, and what he finally found is that people get what they expect out of marriage. The higher your expectations in the relationship, the more likely you will be to achieve it; keep your expectations high.
AIM FOR AN ENOUGH RELATIONSHIP, NOT PERFECT
Based on data from happy relationships, we say that your goal should be a “good enough relationship.” So don’t idealize relationships. Aim for an adequate relationship and keep your expectations high.
LEARN FROM HAPPY RELATIONS
Happy couples are good friends first, they know each other well. They like each other and they can express that. They have a satisfying sex life. They trust each other and are totally committed. They can discuss the problems in a constructive way, they can maintain the dialogue about the problems they are in conflict with, they can discuss. Yes, there are arguments and unresolved issues in happy relationships, but they try to understand and compromise on these issues. They can hurt each other, find themselves in regrettable situations, but they also know how to make up. Each of them knows the other’s dreams well and they continue to do their best to make these dreams come true even though they are different. They have common values, common goals, and can create a common meaning system.
In strong relationships, partners expect each other to receive love, care, respect, loyalty and compassion, and to feel safe in the relationship. They do not accept any form of abuse.
TALK ABOUT YOUR EXPECTATIONS
Keep your expectations high about how you want your partner to treat you. This is not asking for favors from the universe, it is just telling your partner your needs. When we look at strong relationships, we see that they talk about their expectations, feelings and needs from each other in an uninterrupted dialogue. There is no problem in people telling each other their needs or even complaining without criticizing each other (saying you are corrupt) without blaming each other (not asking me how can you do this).
While saying “you always neglect me” causes communication patterns such as criticism and defense that destroy the relationship, saying “I want to spend more time with you” really reveals the need, and at worst, it gives an opportunity to talk about the obstacles in front of wanting to spend time.
AGAIN, KEEP YOUR EXPECTATION HIGH!
Set high expectations for how you want to be treated. High expectations in this regard determine how you are treated and bring happiness. Tell your partner your truth openly and honestly, state your needs, express your complaints (without criticism, defense, humiliation), tell your dreams. Listen to your partner’s dreams, learn, know his background, learnings and expectations well. Do your best to make them happen. Sharing expectations and needs is vital in order to know each other, manage conflict, realize dreams and create common meaning, which are indispensable features of strong relationships.
PSYCHOLOGIST ŞEYMA NUR AKDOĞAN
