It is not a word that every individual who chooses each other as a wife has said during the marriage process, of course, “we got married, … we are breaking up.” Undoubtedly, there are marriages that continue for many years, still loving each other without breaking up.
Research shows that divorce rates have increased significantly in recent years. The fact that the conflicts between spouses are long-lasting and that they cannot be resolved lead the woman or man to the divorce process. It would be much more accurate to discuss this decision with a specialist through family counseling or marital therapy before the divorce takes place.
In a family environment where arguments, fights and conflicts are continuous, it is not expected that the spouses will evaluate their relationships in a healthy way and make a healthy decision about ending their marriage. It is possible for one or both spouses to experience psychological problems in problematic marriages. People who apply to the clinic for treatment or support report more depression, anxiety, psychosomatic complaints. In detailed evaluations, it is determined that the main problem stems from their unhappy marriages and people are directed to marriage therapy.
The response to a spouse who comes to marital therapy with the thought of separating from their spouse is to wait for the relationship to improve before making this decision. It is recommended that they do not meet face to face for a certain period of time (average fifteen days), not to be aware of each other, to separate their houses, and not to talk even on the phone. Although the spouse, who has intense feelings of anger towards his spouse at the beginning of the therapy and is determined to remove him from his life, rejects this waiting period at first, he will see how healthy this suggestion is during the therapy process.
He may realize that his real feelings are not actually these feelings, that he made this decision only with the feelings of anger at that moment and he may continue his marriage. In the process of postponing the decision to leave, the problems are handled one by one with the therapist, all the positive and negative feelings, thoughts and behaviors of the parties are analyzed, the wrong roles undertaken by the spouses in the conflicts are determined, and the spouses are objectively shown that they do not have a healthy relationship model, and a healthy relationship is established. help them determine the paths to follow. The spouse, who has reached a level where he can evaluate his relationship more healthily (or who has come out of depression), will now decide for himself whether his marriage will continue or not.
The purpose of marriage therapy; In fact, the problem is not the current problem, but the relationship itself. For this reason, only the solution of the problem does not save the marriage, it is the improvement of the relationship that saves the marriage. Because all the problems to be experienced in the healthy relations established between the spouses will be solved by talking to each other without harming the marriage. Complaints of spouses in problematic relationships are generally as follows.
“You were never like this before, you’ve changed a lot now, you don’t even listen to me.”
“you never understand me..”
“You have always been like this and you will never change!”
“I can’t stand you or this marriage anymore.
“You don’t love me, you don’t value me anymore”
“There’s no point in being with you anymore, I’m ending this marriage now.”
The relationship dimensions of unhappy couples who have these thoughts, cannot tolerate what each other says, cannot sit down and share something together, show great reactions to small things, do not touch each other, reach the point where they cannot have sexual intercourse, and cannot get satisfaction from their marriage anymore, need to be evaluated. In therapy, while each individual reveals his thoughts and feelings in the face of the problem, each of the spouses of the therapist;
– Ability to express feelings and thoughts to others easily
-not behaving in a hurtful manner towards the other
– be able to clearly express their expectations from the other
– to accept some of the other’s behavior as it is
-understand other’s feelings and thoughts
-To help the other listen correctly. In a marriage where all these behaviors are done, satisfaction will be achieved.
The presence of both spouses is very important in marriage therapy. Sometimes, the other spouse may not participate in the therapy process due to social pressures and personality structures. Sometimes, the angry spouse may refuse to participate in the therapy process to punish the other spouse. While one party is trying to mend the relationship and save the marriage, the other party’s insensitivity can make things difficult. In such a case, what needs to be done is to start the therapy, even if it is unilateral. It is difficult to save a marriage unilaterally, but it will still be important for you to see your roles in the relationship, to realize yourself, to resolve conflicts, to fix your relationship, perhaps to find ways to persuade him to therapy. Changing, correcting and improving the relationship of one of the spouses can also bring the other spouse into the therapy process.
As a result of the therapy processes from the counseling centers they came to with the decision to leave, the number of spouses who go hand in hand by saying that they love each other is not few. Problems, arguments, disagreements, and conflicts in marriage will continue as long as you stay married. Then you can keep your relationship in a certain balance and say “I love my wife very much, I have a happy marriage”. Spouses who are divorced; As they evaluate these decisions in a healthy way, they will be able to continue their lives as a happy individual without any regrets in the future and without carrying the traces of the past on them.
