“DON’T EAT ME MOM MOM”
When the vacuum cleaner started, my 3-year-old daughter hurriedly climbed onto the couch and took a position she thought was safe for her. This behavior was a situation that had been going on for 2-3 months, and I was a little surprised. While I was wondering what could happen without panicking, I experienced another surprising event. As a child psychiatrist, I thought that I should definitely share this situation with you. One evening, while playing with his Legos with my daughter, he suddenly stopped playing and got up from the floor and went back to the seat that he thought was safe for him and began to wait. Before I could say, “What’s going on, what happened now?” he said, “The garbage truck is passing by” and added, “Is it not going to eat me, mommy” and looking at me with help-seeking eyes. At that moment; “Yes, we were living the childhood fears that every child has,” I thought to myself. It turns out that my little one has been running away from that environment for 2-3 months, afraid that the vacuum cleaner or the garbage truck will come and eat him.
Fear is an emotion that exists in the developmental process of the child. From the age of 6 months, a baby may develop a fear of foreign objects, places and people. Without primary caregivers (usually mom and dad), the baby responds to different environments. He approaches people he has just met, crying, and calls his mother. This is a result of the natural development process. Our baby’s perception of the environment has increased and he has begun to evaluate the familiar-unfamiliar classifications. Alienation and avoidance of separation from parents continue until 2 years of age.
Preschool children (1-7 years old) cannot distinguish between reality and fantasy because they are in the stage of concrete thinking. Since abstract thought processes do not develop, they evaluate events from a concrete point of view. They tend to produce and believe unrealistic scenarios. As funny as it may sound to us, a 3-year-old can really be terrified that the garbage truck might eat him, that the vacuum cleaner might suck him in, that he might get lost in himself when he sits on the toilet and flushes it.
Children between the ages of 2 and 5 begin to develop different fears of separation and abandonment from parents. These fears; Various animals are intended for loud sound and darkness. The duty of parents in developmental fears is to perceive these fears naturally and not to focus on these fears. It is important to listen to the child’s fear in simple and plain language and to give the message that he is safe. If this is the case, the child receives the message from the parents’ reactions that the fears are unfounded. On the contrary, if parents focus on these fears, for example, “it’s okay, if you’re too scared, stay with me…” Their reactions may leave various questions in the minds of children. For example, the child; He will be able to think, “Look, my mom/dad also cares about this fear, so there is something really bad going on”. If our child is afraid of the dark when he goes to bed at night, a light should be left on and he should be allowed to sleep in his room. If the fear object is an animal; Parents can cope with this fear with the toys they buy for their children. At the same time, the shyness of the parents towards the animals encountered in the environment will be carefully observed and learned by the children; This situation may cause the transition of fears from natural fears to pathological fears (phobias).
When it comes to primary school age, the child may face developmentally different fears. These fears are mostly for abstract concepts such as death of parents, humiliation at school. In this period, the past life of the child and the attitudes of the parents gain importance in coping with the fears. Primary school is the period in which the abstract thinking ability of the child develops and socialization and individualization gain importance. In this period, the child tends to prove his personality and identity to the environment and move away from the parent. The ability to take responsibility, given by the parents in the previous periods, will support and accelerate the individualization of the child. Of course, the fears about social life in this new era are natural.
Wishing you less fearful days.
