EFFORTS TO SAVE THE MARRIAGE DRIVEN TO THE Abyss
Of course, it is an exaggerated expectation to start your married life with the idea of catching eternal happiness. As in any relationship, there can be ups and downs, happiness and disappointments in a marriage relationship. The important thing is to realize the problems and be able to continue the marital relationship with the determination and sincerity to solve them.
Many married people turn a deaf ear to the distress bells that their spouses have been ringing for a long time, acting as if these disturbances are natural and will one day resolve on their own. But when suddenly one of the spouses says that he is considering divorce, the ground slips from under the feet of the spouse who ignores these bells. Well, what kind of effort is there to maneuver back from this dead end?
Although the situations related to this subject vary according to the nature of the problems between couples, I have gathered these maneuvers under 7 general headings, which I think may be of general benefit to you, my readers.
1- Get ready for action
If you want to save your marriage, the first thing you should do in the face of the thought of divorce that your spouse has announced is not to panic, stop crying, stay calm and create an action plan. The steps that I will explain from here will guide you to a solid start.
2- Try to look strong
“How could he do this to me?” It may be a phrase that speaks volumes to your feelings, but it will most likely give your partner the impression of being pathetic and pitiful. Winning your partner back out of pure guilt, if that’s winning, will only create a depressive feeling in your partner. This is not a good way to save your marriage.
Give up the “poor me” mode and switch to the “I’m proud” mode. Focus on the positive and colorful contributions you bring to your marriage and bring them to life more powerfully than ever before. Without boasting, without poking at your spouse, without using it as discussion material. Save your praise and appreciation for your partner. Avoid using what you do as leverage, as it will be offensive to bring good things you have done to the other person’s eyes.
Speaking of appreciation, strong people radiate positive energy. It is important that you smile at your almost lost spouse and laugh at their jokes. Express your love. Express your gratitude for the good and beautiful things your spouse has done for you. (I know it won’t be easy, but remember, you’re not the one who wants a divorce)
3- Review your experiences
Make a list of your spouse’s constant criticisms of you, the angry words he often says during arguments, and any disagreements you can think of.
Sit down and review the list with your partner. In the meantime, stay calm and determined. Speak as if you were talking to a dear friend. When discussing, focus on the problems, not your partner’s personality. Be careful not to be accusatory or offensive.
Review your experiences with your parents and siblings. See which of the issues reported on the list stem from your past, and which might be habits you have acquired on your way to adulthood, or problems that have developed over time. Consider whether you can let go of some problematic habits or behaviors and even what you can replace them with.
Make a note on your list of how to overcome these problems, what it takes to implement the changes.
4- Take care of your appearance
It may seem simple, but in reality, appearance will be very important in this difficult time.
Lose weight. Do sports. Reconsider your hairstyle. Take care of your clothing. Think about what it would be like if you wanted to be glamorously attractive in your head. If you can’t make it clear in your head, look at how attractive people look in fashion sections on television and magazines.
Then go and quickly make this skin your new personal skin. (This will give you both confidence and any positive signals you know to your partner)
5- Cleanse all the old pains.
Collect the resentments, complaints and angers that your spouse has against you in a list and make your own list.
Then sit down and discuss mutual misunderstandings, misperceptions, and mistakes. Without criticism, without blame, without anger. listen to each other. Do not interrupt each other.
Aim only to understand your mistakes that contributed to the problems in getting you into this stalemate. Feel free to apologize for any mistakes you see. Make it clear that you have a view to learn from your mistakes, keeping in mind that making mistakes is part of learning. If your spouse thought of giving up on you, the reason you came to this situation is because you did not pay attention to these issues. Absolutely avoid begging, fighting, and making counter accusations. It’s like getting into a vehicle that won’t take you anywhere.
6- Trust yourself
It is very important to be in good spirits while making all this effort. Frequently use positive sentences such as “I can do this” “I can overcome this problem”. Because these mantras are the most important subliminal words that will prevent you from losing your self-confidence and experiencing moments of weakness. Repeat it many times during the day. Successful people focus on 80% solution. You also put all your energy into it. Focus on where you want to come in. If deep down you feel that you are worthless, you need to change that thinking immediately.
7- Learn the skills necessary to be good and successful in marital relationships
In order to run a relationship in a healthy way, you need to have some necessary skills. Most people start relationships without these. Together, you can turn to personal development resources.
You can meet with a professional family counselor who can teach you the skills you need using tried-and-tested methods and offer new perspectives.
Remember, many people have been found in the situation you are in right now, and only those who take sufficient care are still continuing their marriages in a healthy way.
Stay with love.
