What is manipulation?
- You’re exaggerating a little!
- you are very touchy
- How touchy are you my dear?
- No! you misremember
- Sorry you are responsible……etc
If you hear these sentences frequently, you may be subject to manipulation. So what is manipulation?
Dictionary meaning; Manipulation, which means activating, directing, influencing, is known as finger poking, deception, speculation in the Stock Exchange. Its meaning in the stock market is also thought-provoking.
Emotional manipulation refers to influencing or directing people without their knowledge or against their will. As a result of this influence and direction, people can change their behavior or change their opinions. (wikipedia)
Manipulation can be seen in bilateral relations as well as in family, business life, love and digital environments. It is even used as an art of persuasion and influence in business life. There is hidden manipulation in persuasion efforts that lead to success in the public relations, advertising, sales & marketing industry.
Manipulation at work
In a job you just started, flattery and compliments such as “you’re the smartest person I’ve ever seen” or “you really fit in” are used to gain your trust and snuggle with you before you even get to know you. For this reason, be careful if someone comes and starts praising and flattering you in an environment where you don’t know anyone and don’t have a single decent conversation. The manipulator may be approaching and you will most likely find yourself in the phases of temptation during the sweet months.
The real purpose of the manipulator, which will show its true face in a short time, will be revealed after that. According to the researches, the common personality traits of most manipulators are that they have narcissistic, selfish, ambitious and controlling personality structures.
Even if you are doing your job right; “You may have learned that in school, but that’s not how things are done around here” or “We gave you a file to review, you even misunderstood it, you should be a little more careful” or “You get defensive right away, are you a loser?” and it will make you feel guilty. So what can be done?. How to behave?
Note: Retain documents whenever you can. If jobs are recorded or written down, the job of manipulators becomes even more difficult.
Listen to your instincts. Be careful who can take you in the wrong direction.
Find supportive people to talk to and gain perspective.
Talk to HR. Explain why the manipulation happened to you.
Find people who use CC in your emails that you can show as witnesses.
You can stop manipulators if you verbalize what happened and make it clear that you understand.
Don’t keep saying “I’m not …” or “I didn’t …”; because this sentence provides an opportunity for manipulators to further highlight your incompetence or faults. Instead, say: “I don’t want to argue, what would you like to do and how can we work together to move forward?”
What is gaslighting?
Let’s first explain where the term “gaslighting” comes from.
The origin of the term is a 1938 theater play called Gas Light. This play, which was later filmed and also known as “angel street”, gives its name to this term with the influence of its scenario.
Gaslighting follows the three phases of idealization, devaluation and sacrificing. The individual, who aims to dominate and manipulate, first creates the perception that their union is wonderful and goes to the stage of admiration. In the next and most difficult phase, the devaluation phase, the admired individual evolves into a problematic, non-ideal, and incapable person. In the phase of disposition, the victim is abandoned and new searches are started. Victims subjected to this dictation often find themselves apologizing.
If yes, how should we protect against manipulation in the family?
If we grew up with a narcissistic parent, we think this abuse will end when we reach adulthood, but for most of us this is not the case. Narcissistic parents do their job pretty well and are very effective and controlling in preparing their children for adulthood.
He will make you feel like you are on top of the world when you do what he asks for. They will improve you when things are going well, but once you start saying “no” they will drag you down as much as possible. Conditional requests are also very successful in emotional blackmail. You will embarrass, compare and feel guilty in front of others. And he probably brushed his hair, gave up his own life, and sacrificed so much to raise you.
Get well soon. If these things fit your definition of a parent, you’ll probably need a good therapist. Unfortunately, it is your responsibility to heal the deep wounds of your childhood and to protect your mental health.
Manipulation in love (Attention is the most dangerous!)
Yes, you are in love and are you in a relationship that makes you feel like you are on the clouds and in such a short time? Best wishes! I hope I am wrong.
If he started to say romantic words to you in a very short time at the beginning of the relationship (For example, if he starts to make such sentences at the beginning of the relationship, such as I can’t live without you before I get to know you, you should act cautiously).
He is constantly sending messages day and night, if he is calling
Receives frequent and expensive gifts at the beginning of the relationship
If your partner is in the plans for the future (it has been 1 week since we met, if he is making plans for marriage or vacation, you should be careful.)
What are manipulated human characteristics?
Some of the reasons are:
• Having a class B personality disorder, such as Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) or Histrionic Personality Disorder
• Being exposed to manipulation and brought up in such an environment
• Fear of losing control
• Perfectionist, success-oriented approach
• Selfish, defensive when appropriate victim
• Having an anxious attachment style counts. Mostly they are not sick, they do not want to get better and better, but narcissists who realize and strive to improve can be.
How to protect from manipulator people?
- Be aware;
If you think you have faced such a situation, then you have noticed. Awareness is the first rule of salvation and protection.
- Consult, get ideas.
- take notes
- Set your limits.
- be clear
- Don’t be afraid to give up if necessary. be firm
- Do not hesitate to seek support from an expert
Don’t let others build your life. Be the architect of your life
