So, what should a person do before deciding on the choice of a spouse?
First of all, one should know himself well before deciding on marriage. Because who am I marrying, will I be able to get along with him? The answers to these questions depend on the person’s self-knowledge. In general, it is one of the mistakes made in choosing a spouse to focus on the person to marry. Since the person does not know and analyze himself, he cannot give the answer in a healthy way whether he can get along with the candidate he will marry. Therefore, the person should start by knowing himself first, and he should really know himself.
However, this is the most crucial point of the work. It is crucial because it is much more difficult for a person to know himself than to know his spouse. In the most general sense, self-knowledge is awareness. It is to find an answer to the question of what kind of person I am in family environment, business life, bilateral relations.
Finding an answer to this question definitely means going on a long and tiring inner journey in which one’s heart will break from time to time, and in which he will feel joy and enthusiasm from time to time. In this journey, the person needs to realize, feel and distinguish his own emotional patterns that are shaped in childhood, starting from the mother’s womb. Examples of these patterns are fear, hatred, anger, joy, enthusiasm, etc. We can give emotions. Only in this way can a person see his weaknesses and strengths.
There is always the potential to make two mistakes in one’s journey to self-knowledge. Do not inflate your self by not seeing it as it is. In this case, one wants the best marriage, the best career. This is very likely to result in disappointment. On the other hand, he may see himself as worthless than he is, which paves the way for his lack of self-confidence and negative experiential experiences in bilateral relations.
In short, the person should first know himself and be able to say what my priorities are and determine his priorities. Awareness should be raised on these issues.
After completing the self-recognition process, the person should enter the process of getting to know the spouse candidate secondly. Getting to know your spouse:
The first way is to look at his past life, to recognize and learn about his past life.
The Second Way: It is to look at what the spouse candidate has left behind. What impression did he leave around him? What has he revealed so far, what are his habits? Don’t forget to call it a habit, habits are our life.
The third way: Impressions about the person should be obtained in interaction. If the person says I love this person and skips the first two reasons and decides based on his impressions during the interaction, the margin of error increases considerably. Because usually the people who are going to get married see only the positive side of each other because they approach the event emotionally. They see their negative side when they start living together after marriage. This is one of the most important reasons for disappointments in marriage. Likewise, disappointments in marriage are one of the most important causes of marital problems.
Love and affection are important in marriage. However, it should be underlined that love and affection emerge as the fruits of a good relationship.
For this reason, the positive and negative sides of the person to be married should be well known and compared with the person’s own priorities. Otherwise, when the inevitable waves of life begin to hit the ship of marriage, disagreements between spouses come to the fore in the marital relationship.
