Specialist Clinical Psychologist Çiğdem Demirsoy, who stated that there should be a very strong communication between the couples in the marriage relationship, warned that in a marriage where there is no sharing and where silence prevails, the problems remain unresolved, with the accumulation of negative emotions and the increase in the dose of tension, and explosions may occur over time. Demirsoy emphasized the importance of spending time with each other to a degree that will develop emotional closeness and commitment between couples and having a deep sharing where they open their inner worlds to each other.
Üsküdar University NPİSTANBUL Hospital Specialist Clinical Psychologist Çiğdem Demirsoy evaluated the silent marriage and the correct relationship and communication between couples.
Marriage relationship requires communication
Specialist Clinical Psychologist Çiğdem Demirsoy, emphasizing that silence can be a personality trait from an individual point of view, but the marital relationship requires communication, said, “If a relationship is established in which the spouses open their inner worlds to each other and share their feelings and thoughts about various situations, the spouses know each other adequately and respect their personal boundaries. If it is accepted, an individual personality trait such as silence will not pose a problem in terms of the relationship.
Silence in general can be indicative of major problems
Stating that people’s communication patterns and problem-solving styles are different from each other, Specialist Clinical Psychologist Çiğdem Demirsoy said, “Some people solve problems in a relationship by talking, relax, and some prefer to think and evaluate for themselves. In this respect, if the spouses get to know each other and manage to adapt to each other, their differences can even provide an advantage in marriage life. However, the prevailing silence in a relationship in general can be an indicator of important underlying problems.” warned.
Positive and negative silence…
Stating that silence in a marital relationship can be both constructive and destructive depending on the place, Specialist Clinical Psychologist Çiğdem Demirsoy said, “Let’s remember the proverb ‘If words are silver, silence is gold’, although speaking is a good thing, it is also valuable to be quiet at the right time. In this sense, we can talk about ‘positive silence’ and ‘negative silence’.” said.
Silence may be helpful rather than instantaneous reactions.
Noting that there are situations in which it is acceptable and even constructive to remain silent in relationships, Çiğdem Demirsoy said, “For example, thinking silently in oneself instead of giving instant reactions in the face of a negative situation will enable us to evaluate the situation more accurately, manage emotions related to the event and give healthier responses, avoid unnecessary discussions, It will prevent the occurrence of stress and stressful situations. Such silence is ‘positive silence’. What distinguishes it from ‘negative silence’ is that there is a healthy communication in the relationship between the spouses, it is just a situation-specific need to take a little break in the relationship for problem solving or to be experienced as an individual need not to cause a disconnection in the relationship.” he said.
Problems are overlooked in negative silence
Specialist Clinical Psychologist Çiğdem Demirsoy, who noted that one or both spouses had erroneous attitudes such as ignoring the problems and sweeping them under the carpet in the case of “negative silence”, said, “Or while one party needs to communicate and solve problems, the other party resists it, shuts itself down, There are negative behavior patterns such as passive resistance, sometimes one of the spouses and sometimes both parties exert power and control in the relationship.” said.
It’s not right to ignore feelings
Specialist Clinical Psychologist Çiğdem Demirsoy said, “There may be conflicts in every relationship or there may be unmet needs arising from differences in personality and preferences,” and that it is not right to ignore or suppress emotions in such a situation.
Negative emotions accumulate in quiet marriages
Çiğdem Demirsoy, who said that there should be an open communication between the couples in order for the relationship to run smoothly, said:
“Instead of keeping quiet, withdrawing from the relationship, sulking, and sulking, the relationship progresses healthily when an atmosphere of reconciliation is created by expressing oneself in an appropriate language after clarifying one’s needs. For example, while your spouse wants to visit family every weekend, you may want to stay at home or do something else on some days. This is a conflict situation. It is an example of ‘negative silence’ when he goes there without expressing his desire, or when he goes there or does not show it at all and waits to be understood, and when he waits, resentment and anger increase. Since the problems remain unresolved in a marriage dominated by silence, the dose of tension increases with the accumulation of negative emotions over time, there are explosions or the emotional bond between the spouses weakens, there is a growing separation and disconnection from each other, the marriage becomes monotonous, as a result, a lifeless marriage model in which only the responsibilities required by the roles are fulfilled. emerges.”
There should be in-depth sharing.
Specialist Clinical Psychologist Çiğdem Demirsoy, who also gives advice to couples for a healthy marriage, said, “Spending time to each other to develop emotional closeness and commitment, a deep sharing in which they open their inner worlds to each other, as well as a clear, concise, There should be a communication of mutual respect, empathy and tolerance.” said.
One must first know himself.
Specialist Clinical Psychologist Çiğdem Demirsoy, emphasizing that a person should have a healthy internal communication with himself before communicating with his spouse, said, “It is important to know yourself, to be aware of your feelings and needs and to be able to express them in a way that will give a positive direction to the relationship. It is difficult for a person who cannot analyze his own feelings to understand the other person. For a healthy and positive relationship, it is necessary not to remain silent or to give in, but to be able to stretch oneself to find a point of reconciliation, and to say no with courtesy when appropriate.” he concluded his speech.
Source: (BYZHA) – Beyaz News Agency
