Throughout our lives, we experience many moments in our lives, good and bad. In some moments, when everything is going well, a stone appears in front of us and we can trip over it. But have you noticed that some of them smile because they fall and get up immediately, some wait for the pain to subside, some get up by holding a hand, some get up and bandage their wounds, some cry, suffer and need a little more time to get up.
This is exactly what life offers us. We all go on a bumpy road in our lives. Although we always want our path to be clean and bright, there are situations that we have to struggle with since the existence of humanity. Health problems, economic problems, family/relationship problems, death of a relative, earthquake, violence, etc.
Although these events seem similar in our lives, it is obvious that we all give different emotional reactions. While some of us are weak in the face of a challenging situation and need much more time to stand up, some of us get up and bandage their wounds, as I mentioned above. No need to go very far. Right now, stop and take a look around you. For example, do you know someone who has lost a relative? How did he overcome this situation? Now imagine someone you know who has experienced another loss. How did he react?
How do we react so differently to such similar events?
Here we come across the concept of psychological resilience. Psychological resilience derives from the Latin root ‘resilience’, which means that a substance is elastic and can easily return to its original form. In the American Heritage Dictionary, psychological resilience means ‘quick recovery from change, illness and bad fate, recovery’. According to the American Psychological Association (APA), it is defined as the process of adapting well in the face of significant stressors such as adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats, family/relationship problems, serious health problems or economic stressors. This concept translated into Turkish as resilience, flexibility, resilience or resilience, in short; It means the ability of a person to recover faster, recover and return to their former functionality in challenging life events. Although psychological resilience becomes a personality trait in some of us, these skills are skills that can be learned and developed.
‘Bamboo that stretches is stronger than oak that resists.’
Psychological resilience, also known as psychological flexibility, is likened to bamboo cane. It is said that bamboo cane has an unbreakable and flexible structure and returns to its original form after it is worn. As we saw with bamboo, being flexible does not mean that a person will not experience a traumatic event or face stressors. Of course, even though we have a flexible psychology, we can feel sad, guilty, ashamed and helpless in the face of a negative situation. However, thanks to psychological flexibility, it will be much easier and faster to get rid of the emotional effects of these situations. Moreover, we are not only getting out of these effects, but we are starting to take stronger steps by making sense of our experiences.
Let’s take a look at the characteristics of people with resilience and what we can do to improve these characteristics.
As a result of the researches, those observed in people with psychological resilience;
The individual has high self-esteem, looks to the future with a positive perspective, that is, with hope. He has a high sense of humor in the face of problems, he chooses to face instead of avoiding problems, develops a different perspective in the face of the stressful event he has experienced, is flexible, the way of perceiving the problem is in the direction of making meaning, realistic life goals that they are aware of their emotions and do not suppress them.
Yes, these are beautiful things, but if you say how I will do it;
Instead of denying the change in your life, try to adapt. Yes, we tripped on that stone and fell. Blaming the stone or ourselves will do nothing but torment us and waste time. Focus on how to get up.
Try to change your perspective. We cannot change what happened, but we can change our attitude towards the event. First of all, we need to change our way of thinking. For example, a project that is very important to you was not accepted. You cannot go back and get this project accepted. However, you can produce alternative solutions by changing the thoughts that you are unsuccessful and inadequate due to the rejection of the project.
What was good for you in your most difficult situations? Think about your previous experience. How did you overcome that situation? Here, we can sometimes come across the answer ‘it wasn’t such a bad thing’. If you think you have not experienced this bad, I would like to remind you that; Wasn’t he the worst then too?
Ask yourself what you can do for the problem that is pushing you. Sometimes our problems may not have a single solution, sometimes the solution may be too big for us. You can go step by step by breaking down the problem, thereby reducing the stress level of that big and complex problem. The smaller you break the problem down, the easier it will be for you to find solutions and take action.
Create daily routines that are good for you. It will increase your ability to find happiness within yourself. Do you enjoy drinking coffee? Gift yourself this time with your favorite music.
Discover your strengths and focus on them. Nobody is perfect, can you give an example of a perfect person? We are a whole with our mistakes, our truths, what we did or didn’t do. Think about what you’ve done so far to see how realistic our harsh self-criticism is.
Let your body feel better. I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase ‘it’s psychological’. Stress is a physical, mental and behavioral response. Help your body cope with stress with regular sleep, exercise and proper nutrition.
you can make it out.
Don’t give up hope. One of the biggest supporters of depression is lack of expectation. People begin to lose their ability to plan for the future due to being trapped in the past or the pain of the present. Creating positive expectations for the future will motivate you to take steps and prevent you from being trapped in the pain of the past.
Act consistently in line with the goals you have set. I talked about hope before. Expecting something from life. Having realistic goals in line with these expectations will enable you to take concrete steps to take action. It will help you to start by setting your priorities for your goals and following them in an order from near to far and putting them down on paper.
Look at every adversity you experience as a way of rediscovering yourself. In the face of negative events, a person either grows or disperses. But it never stays where it is. Making new meanings as a result of our struggle makes us bigger for the next struggle.
‘What will give light must first withstand burning.’ (Victor Frankl)
Use the power of social support. Although the solution lies within you and in your thoughts, close relationships with family and friends will provide you with crutch support. Studies have shown that social support resources provide financial, emotional and mental assistance to individuals.
APA’s research shows that in addition to individual relationships, participating in non-governmental organizations and local organizations also provides social support and can help restore hope. You can join a group that will give you a sense of purpose.
Do not hesitate to seek psychological support when you need it. While some of us can successfully apply the methods I mentioned above, some of us may get stuck and have difficulty getting up from where we fell. You can learn and develop these skills by taking the path of self-discovery in therapy.
Although psychological resilience can be measured through some tests, it is not possible to experience it without encountering that stone. If you’ve ever wondered what my resilience is, you might review your background and ask yourself the following questions?
I can’t get out of the negative events I’ve been through for a long time.’
I will overcome my problems in a short time.’
I am waiting for your answers.
