Pain and sorrow are inevitable in our lives. We are always faced with difficult emotions such as the fear of not being enough, and the feeling of dread in the face of problems that we cannot find solutions to. The more we resist these feelings, the more our suffering will increase. The Dalai Lama spoke of compassion as the state of being free in the face of something. Self-compassion helps us accept and deal with destructive emotions more effectively. Accepting our pain and approaching it with love and compassion, instead of fighting hard with the emotions that force us, relieves the suffering and enables us to deal with problems more effectively.
When faced with a compelling emotion, pay attention to your body first. For example, when faced with a potential danger, you often feel your body contract. Noticing the reflection of the emotion in the body is actually the first step of defining that emotion. When we name that emotion, we are ready to deal with it. The second stage begins with identifying where our thoughts take us. When a disaster happens to us, thoughts such as why me, such things always find me make it difficult for you to deal with that emotion. Instead, we can start to feel compassion for ourselves when the thought that all people, for whom pain is a part of life, have problems at certain times in their lives. For guidance on this, I recommend Germer’s self-healing Awareness chart.
