When parents live with an only child, they give all their love, attention and time to their children. For parents, it is sometimes undesirable to think about the idea of a new baby with the fear that it will make the other child unhappy. Sometimes, they may want to include the other child in the decision of whether to make a sibling or not. However, every parent should consider the issue of planning a second child by considering their own circumstances and deciding for themselves whether they want a new child or not. It is not right to include in this decision by giving responsibility to the child. After the decision has been made and the pregnancy has taken place, the child can be included in the process. During pregnancy, there may not be many problems as the mother’s interest in the child will continue. In this period, the questions asked by the child should be answered in accordance with his age and development level. The mother can check whether her answers are understood by the child. With the information and games he gives, he can touch on the characteristics of the future baby. While referring to these features, the positive and difficult features of the future baby can also be explained. Again, after the birth of a sibling, the sibling should be given the opportunity to express the negative characteristics that may affect the child, such as “crying, disobeying, mother’s attention to him”.
Sibling jealousy in children
Sibling jealousy is an expected event during the pregnancy of the mother and the birth of a sibling. This situation disrupts an existing balance in the older child, but it is temporary. Balance is restored in a healthy environment. Experience is not traumatic. However, the older child may experience different levels of sibling jealousy in one way or another. Roughly defined, sibling jealousy is a feeling of competition for mother’s attention.
Sibling birth should be explained correctly
The arrival of the new baby in the family affects the older child both psychologically and physically. The mother he had before, the fear of losing the mother’s love and his self-worth will be affected by this situation. The child’s age, developmental level and parent-child relationship play a decisive role in the emergence of the child affected or unaffected by this situation. The child is aware that all the attention previously shown to him from the mother and the environment is divided. The older child’s feelings about the mother’s pregnancy and the birth of the newborn baby are directly related to the emotional support given to him. The older child may view the birth of the baby as being stripped of all the care, love and privileges he had before. After this process, their perceptions become visible with the behavioral changes that they show against these perceptions. These are sleep, eating problems (not sleeping like his sibling, giving up his previously acquired self-eating skills like his sibling, asking his mother to feed him, wanting to take liquid foods like him, etc.), themes related to the birth of a sibling in his games (not wanting his sibling in the game, ignoring him, mother’s playing games about what he is about, games where the mother is not interested in him, games with aggressive themes to mother and sibling, etc.), playing and spending time with imaginary friends, fear of death, constipation, poop incontinence, urinary incontinence, clinging to the mother, fears, not wanting to sleep alone, aggression , irritability, unhappiness, introversion and behavioral changes can be observed. These are the tip of the iceberg. While the behavioral changes that occur in this first period are easily noticed, if the emotional support of the parent is not sufficient and this situation cannot be overcome in a healthy way, there will be changes that will deeply affect the identity and future life of the child after the birth of a sibling.
The right approach in sibling jealousy
It is important that parents give information about the new baby during pregnancy and when he comes home to the older child. When the baby comes home after the birth, the quality of the attention shown to the older child, who is the center of attention of the whole family and the environment, is important. Care should be taken to change the routine in daily life as little as possible. It is not appropriate to send the baby to the nursery or to another home immediately after the baby arrives. As the mother has to spend time with the baby, it is necessary to allocate time for the older sibling. The older sibling should be allowed to express their negative feelings towards the mother and the new baby. If this does not happen, the opportunity should be created for the child to play sibling-themed games freely in the games. The biggest misconception that parents often make is the expectation that the older sibling “is grown up now, is a brother or sister, and needs to manage the situation and help themselves”. But now there are two small children in the house. Both children need the attention and love of their mother.
