Swimming in the Waters of Narcissism
When we look at the historical origin of narcissism, we come across a sad story told by Ovid:
Ekho, a very beautiful fairy girl who ignores those who fall in love with her and leaves them unrequited, one day sees a hunter hunting. This hunter named Narcissus is very handsome. Ekho falls in love with this young hunter at first sight. However, Narcissus does not reciprocate this love and walks away from the fairy girl. In the face of this situation, Eho melts day by day and dies by closing himself in with black love. The bones of his whole body turn into rocks, and his voice turns into echoes in these rocks, which we call ‘echo’.
The gods living on Mount Olympus were very angry at this situation and decided to punish Narcissus. One day, Narcissus, on a hunting trail, comes to a riverside, thirsty and exhausted. When he bends down to drink water from here, he sees the beauty of his own face and body reflected in the water. He too is fascinated by this beauty that he had not noticed before. He can’t get up, he has fallen in love with himself. He loved his own image as much as he had ever loved anyone else. That way, he can neither drink water nor eat there, just like Echo, Narcissus begins to melt day by day and spends his life there just by watching himself.
When we look at today, narcissism is used for people who are very selfish and think only of themselves, but it is actually a concept related to self-love, self-love, and self-worth. In this sense, narcissism is a healthy condition. But one step further goes to personality disorder.
Ferit was just one of them. When she and her husband came to seek couples counseling, the issue they voiced was that they were having trouble communicating with each other. His wife Seval was a lawyer. Ferit was a civil engineer. He had his own construction company. From the outside, he was a very kind, talkative, gentleman, witty and very concerned about his wife. But what I heard when I took it to a session one by one really surprised me.
Seval: Ferit was my first love. He is from Adana. I am from izmir. My biggest problem is that he constantly humiliates me. He is in a constant devaluation of “What are you doing, why are you working, I’m already making more money, you don’t need to work”. He loves himself too much. In the presence of our friends, at the slightest difference of opinion, she immediately resents me and insults me. Believe me, I can’t take it anymore. I’m thinking of leaving. I don’t believe it will be fixed.
Counselor: How long has it been like that?
Seval: It wasn’t like that when we first met. But when I opened my own law office and started to earn good money, little by little reactions started to increase…
Ferit was one of the most common client types in narcissistic personality disorders. These people are jealous of the success of others, including the people closest to them, and they try to destroy or reduce it. They can be arrogant and arrogant most of the time. They believe that they are special and unique, and they want excessive admiration.
Looking at their childhood origins, they received attention, praise and admiration from their parents and were pampered. But they lack basic interest. They were not touched, kissed, hugged. Unseen and unheard of. They have not experienced true love. They have unmet emotional needs.
These people often choose partners who are attractive and appreciated by other people. First, they worship their partners, and after a while, they see their small flaws and shortcomings and try to devalue them. The biggest reason is that they try to cover up their flaws.
The biggest delusion they experience is the feeling of emptiness inside. They often lack inner meaning. These are the unmet emotional needs of the inner child.
We come back to the furrier shop again. Family.
The family structure where the foundations are laid, personalities are formed, the neural networks in the brain are started to be knitted, and the first steps in life are learned. When Sevaller Feritler and many other children open their eyes to this world, they deserve neither to be humiliated, nor to be loved, nor to be offended, nor to be seen…
Yours sincerely
