The first duty of parents is to take care of the child and protect it. As the child gets older, the parent’s function centers around controlling, directing, and encouraging the child’s behavior. It is very important to meet the emotional needs of the child for the development of the child and for him to be a healthy person. Social needs are closely tied to emotional needs. It is the duty of parents to provide and develop opportunities for children to establish good relations with their peers and family members. The function of parents is to teach their children to acquire knowledge and skills in the broadest sense. As a result, it can be said that if all these needs can be met adequately, it will be possible to raise healthy generations.
The importance of the attitudes of parents, with whom a person is together and in constant interaction during the most important developmental periods, cannot be denied in the formation of a healthy personality. The mother-father-child relationship basically depends on the attitude of the mother and father. Attitude is not a directly observable feature, but a preparatory tendency for behavior.
However, it is known that parents or their successors often display erroneous attitudes that are not clear or even they are not aware of. These erroneous attitudes and the problems they cause are summarized below.
Overprotective Attitude:
Protecting and patronizing is a normal parenting behavior. However, disseminating the protective and watchful behavior in a way that prevents the child’s self-actualization is considered as an overprotective parental behavior. With this attitude, children are treated as if they are in need of constant protection within the family, parents are very intrusive, sufficient grounds are not prepared for the child to make his own decisions. According to Adler, children who are overprotected and pampered are not allowed to face any obstacles and their abilities are not developed properly. He did not have the opportunity to adequately prepare for adult life. They do not associate with people outside the family. Another characteristic of these children is that they think more about themselves than others, and this is a sign that social feelings are not developed. The constant protection shown to the child causes him to perceive the world as a hostile environment, to have a feeling of being afraid of difficulties all the time, to take clumsy attitudes in the face of difficulties because he was brought up to face only the positive aspects of life, to not be successful when he has to do anything alone, to be worried about changes in daily life. causes them to constantly seek a protector in the future life. When these children reach adulthood, they believe that society is responsible for providing them with a life, even if they do not contribute to it. Therefore, they try to recognize the rights that society does not give them, and as a result, they experience many mistakes and failures.
Overly Strict-Authoritarian Attitude:
Authoritarian parenting is the strict implementation of rules and orders decided by the parents without arguing, agreeing, or accepting their wishes in any way. When we look at the behaviors in the dimension of communication in authoritarian families:
Communication topics are limited, the child does not participate in the conversations of the parents, the mother often acts as a buffer in communication with the father, the mother or father often gives evasive answers to the surprise/critical questions, the child is not allowed to say bad words about the teacher. The child is not allowed to be angry with the parents, warm addresses are used by the parents against the child, and if too close is shown, it is thought that the child will go beyond the limit or have weak character, and the decisions are not allowed to be questioned by the child. In terms of social relations, the child cannot make friends with a person that the parent does not approve, if the child insists on this relationship, punishment is imposed, he cannot go to any of his friends’ houses, he thinks that too many games and sports affect the success of the child in his lessons, and imposes restrictions on this issue, tries to enter the profession he sees fit, not the child. it is essential for the child to know where he is and what he is doing, is very interested in what the child eats and how much he eats, teaches the child to always control his emotions, thinks that the child should not have secrets that the parents do not know, the child is the extension of the “me”, the “me” If it does not reflect well, it is in the belief that it will blacken me. He thinks that corporal punishment is the best form of discipline, he resorts to verbal aggression against the child frequently and in the face of the slightest unwanted behavior, one of the types of punishment he uses is to cut his love, he thinks that the biggest crime is to go against the elders, to disobey them in what they insist, scolding and negative believes that criticism makes the child better.
In children who grow up in such an environment, complete obedience to authority, distrust of everything foreign, seeing the world and life as threatening, rigidity in thought (black and white thinking), excessive admiration for power and excessive tolerance of weakness, their own suppressed impulses. traits suitable for authoritarian personality structure such as projecting to others develop.
Three types of reactions are generally seen in children who are brought up with an understanding of excessive pressure and strict discipline:
1 . The child cringing, appearing extremely docile and obedient,
2. To openly oppose and rebel against all kinds of authority,
3. To cringe completely where there is pressure, fear and threat, where he feels comfortable, to rebel in the presence of those who treat him mildly and moderately.
In addition, it is known that excessive use of the authoritarian attitude causes an external locus of control in the child, increasing the feeling of inferiority, preventing the development of a rich social interest, causing the child to feel insecure in making an independent initiative and therefore leading to a negative self-concept. (Maccoby-Martin 1983)
Negligent Parental Attitude:
Neglect can be defined as the failure of the parents to properly care for and protect the child. Zuravin and Grief (1989) listed the types of neglect in a broad and narrow sense, including family behavior. These are not giving importance to the health of the child, refusing or delaying the 7-day care, not showing the way, leaving, not providing a suitable home environment, not protecting from risks and diseases at home, not paying attention to his nutrition, not paying attention to his education, not paying attention when he shows problem behaviors, emotionally wanting the child, being loved. not to feel it, in a sense, is to reject it. There are direct and indirect signs of neglect. Immediate symptoms can manifest themselves in the form of filth and neglect. Indirect symptoms are growth retardation. It manifests as frequent illness and malnutrition. This may also be accompanied by physical and mental developmental delay. Alen and Oliver found that neglected children’s language development lags behind, they emphasized that neglect plays a more role in language development than distrust of the environment. Alcohol and substance abuse, aggression, low self-esteem and self-control, and unacceptable social behaviors are observed at high rates in neglected children.
Extremely Tolerant Attitude:
Parents always accept the child’s wishes without any control or limitation.
In a study by Baumrind, in this attitude, parents are accepting and tolerant of their children’s all impulses, including sexual and aggressive impulses, they impose less punishment, they avoid even when they have to use their authority, they show little desire even for their age-appropriate duties. They have been found to allow their children to adjust their own behavior and make their own decisions in all situations. The continuity of this attitude negatively affects the development of the child’s ability to control his emotions, desires and impulses, and causes an increase in aggressive behaviors.
Double Dead End:
Bateson et al. It is the faulty parental attitude that they first described in 1956. Here, parents give two or more conflicting and inconsistent messages at the same time and the child is expected to act in line with these messages.
Democratic Attitude:
Parents with this attitude see and value their children as a separate person and encourage them to develop an independent personality. the truth of both the child and the parent is recognized. There is no limit on communication in this family, the child can express his/her opinion during the parent’s speech, the child can freely open his/her thoughts at home without fear of pressure from the parent, the child can express questions about sexuality, about God, and criticisms about the country and school order at home. Parents respect the child’s views, encourage them to express their views, often learn and take into account the children’s preferences when making plans for the family, the child chooses his/her friends, talk to the child when there is an inappropriate parenting relationship, the child in an inappropriate relationship If he insists , the reasons for this insistence are investigated together , the parent tries to get to know the child ‘s friends , and works with the child and his friends . The child determines the pace of work and play himself. The family supports the child’s initiatives regarding his own education, assigns the child duties and family responsibilities, expects him to solve the problem as much as possible when he is in trouble, encourages him to be curious, researching and asking questions, warns the child for bad things that may happen to him, and controls the child about what suits him. decides for himself, lets the child make many decisions for himself, lets the child know that he appreciates what he has tried or accomplished, knows that it is better to reward the child when he is good than to punish him when he is bad.
Causes of Incorrect Parent Attitudes:
Agreement in Marriage:
Studies have shown that the satisfaction of the husband-wife relationship and whether the spouses are satisfied with their own lives, their expectations from their children and their behavior towards the child. It has been observed that mothers who are happy in their marriages talk to their children more, give more enlightening and positive answers to their children, and interfere less with their children compared to those who are unhappy with their marriage. If there is a disagreement between the spouses, it is possible that negative feelings will be fed to the child who is the product of this union. Sometimes the child who was brought into the world with the aim of putting the relations in order may be the target of hostile feelings if he has not succeeded in this. A child with an unhappy mother who rejects her child is at least neglected . In addition , mothers who have very few spouses in their lives may adopt an overprotective attitude by trying to overcome the relationship they miss with their husbands with their children .
Parents’ Past Experiences:
Parents who grew up in an environment of mutual respect and love in childhood learn these characteristics and carry them into their future life. carries into the relationship. These attitudes and beliefs are the result of each parent’s own childhood development, family structure, how it develops in the family, and how their incompatibilities are interpreted while developing.
In Steele’s study, mothers who did not behave in line with their expectations, punished their children in every behavior, and showed inconsistent behaviors were examined, and they found that most of these mothers were treated in the same way by their own mothers, so they developed a disappointed, angry personality with low self-esteem. . Even if the mother does not remember her past negative experiences , these experiences can affect her present behavior by penetrating her subconscious mind . Some mothers who grew up in families lacking in love and warmth, on the other hand, may behave excessively while giving their children the love they lacked in their childhood.
Characteristics of the Child:
An imaginary child concept is formed before birth about what kind of child the parents want. If the child born into the world does not comply with the expectations, rejection behavior may develop. Those born prematurely , sick and disabled people fall into this group primarily . In addition , parents who are satisfied with their children ‘s number , gender and personality traits may behave more appropriately . The child’s positive or negative behaviors have an important role in the mother’s reactions. The characteristics of the child who behaves negatively , rejects , and cries in every matter may be due to his individual characteristics . However, in this case, the negative behavior of the mother increases the negative behavior of the child.
In addition, the death of the first child of mothers, no children for a long time, a very difficult birth, having a child after a very difficult pregnancy can also cause the development of an overly tolerant or protective attitude.
External and Internal Stress Factors:
Economic inadequacy, poverty, unemployment, debt, malnutrition, inadequate home conditions,
parents’ separation from the social environment, early parenthood and emotional immaturity , one of the couples being addicted to alcohol or drugs , going to prison , chronic illness or death of a family member creates a crisis in the family , making the parents hypersensitive and reducing their resilience .
Cultural Values of Society:
Different beliefs in various societies have affected the attitudes of parents towards their children for centuries. From this point of view, patriarchal, large and traditional family structure is common in Turkey. The father is the head of the family, subordinating other family members, and the mother is overprotective. It is common for men to make decisions in these circumstances. While the man is concerned with the outside world, the woman’s place is in the home, childcare, and domestic affairs. The common meaning of discipline in Turkey is embarrassment, leaving no trace, expecting a child to be supernatural, tattooing. Studies conducted in Turkey show that physical punishment methods are frequently applied especially in traditional family structures and this is traditionally brought by a large part of the society. but on the other hand, the Turkish family is generally warm and caring towards the child, love and control go together. In addition, various recent studies have found an increased tendency to avoid corporal punishment and to be democratically egalitarian in view of discipline among lower, middle, and upper class parents.
The Relationship Between Parental Attitudes and the Child’s Mental Problems:
Learning theories such as modeling have received significant attention in explaining the development and basis of conduct disorder. This hypothesis was strengthened by the finding that the parents of aggressive children were also aggressive. Bandura and Walters found that families of antisocial adolescents used more physical punishment and were more prone to aggressive behavior than families of normal group adolescents. It has been determined that adolescents who display aggressive and antisocial behavior have aggressive and criminal siblings and fathers like themselves. In the natural observations made in the homes of children with conduct disorder, it has been observed that the parents of these children express unexplained and unclear demands in a threatening and nervous manner, and this is extremely high. there is also no consistency and it is seen that children generally allow aggressive and inappropriate behavior. These parents are much more critical and negative than normal groups. Most of the researches draw attention to the relationship between the use of force and punishing parental attitude and an above-average aggression in the child. The inconsistencies within and between each other cause children not to recognize their boundaries. This inconsistency also reflects on the behavior of the child, making it difficult for the healthy formation of value judgments.
In families of depressed children, there is parent-child conflict, intra-familial conflict, and marital conflict. Mothers of depressed children state that they have low interactions with their children. The parents of these children are dominant and controlling and they give their children less say in decisions made . They communicate with their children in a critical and negative manner. It has been reported that parents of depressed children reward their children less, punish them more, and set higher standards for their children’s achievements. In addition, it was found that depressed parents are less attentive to the emotional and physical needs of their children, more negative emotional, engage in less activity with their children, have difficulty communicating with their children, and are at higher risk of depression in their children. Almost all suicidal young people have problems in the family. found. All studies point out that family is the most important culprit in suicidal ideation and attempt, as well as in death by suicide. Three attitudes regarding the families of these young people are particularly emphasized.
Absence of relationship in the family: This means isolation within the family, the disconnection of family members with each other or no relationship at all. The child who grows up in such a family is most likely shy, introverted, lonely, and as a result, incompatible with the tpoluma.
Negative relationships in the family: There are long-term destructive and destructive relationships between parents. It is a constant beating, beating, fighting, basic education and communication tool in the family. Alcoholism is common. Depression and self-directed aggression and suicide are very common in children brought up in such families.
Crises in the family: In some families, the expectation of success from young people beyond their abilities and intelligence and the fear of losing parental love when this does not happen can push the young person to commit suicide.
Another study on the relationship between parental attitudes and mental problems is investigating the relationship between parental attitudes, which are perceived as democratic-authoritarian and irrelevant, and the child’s anxiety level. According to the results of the research, while there is a negative relationship between democratic parental attitudes and both state and trait anxiety, there is a positive relationship with disinterested parent attitudes. In addition, it has been stated that neurotic defense mechanisms are used more in individuals who receive excessive support.
Faulty parental attitudes may cause the young person to develop a reverse identity, in other words, to turn to a dark future that completely contradicts what he, his family, close circle, and society expect from him, and makes everyone’s hopes in vain for him.
During the adolescence period, all young people are basically struggling with the following: To bring the strong or healthy aspects of their personality to the forefront, to create themselves in the most positive way possible and to be recognized as such by the society. In a home environment where the elders are very worried and suspicious about the future of the young person, it is expected that the young person will have doubts about his own future and who he will be. In such families, harsh and increasingly brutal warnings directed at the young person often backfire. Such a choice may come to the fore when the goals set by the sickly ambitious parents are unattainable in the eyes of the young person, or if it seems that the only way to be recognized, to be noticed and to have a special place in the family is to acquire a reverse identity.
