Separations and divorce are very difficult for everyone in the family and often have a traumatic effect. However, this effect may become relatively mild for parents from time to time by combining with different factors. In addition to emotional problems such as anger and jealousy, parents who are buried in economic factors or other social factors cannot see the serious traumatic effects of separation or divorce on their children, and sometimes they do not want to see them.
For a woman and a man who came together with love and happiness years ago, the value a child gives to them, moreover, to the whole formed by them, to the phenomenon of “mother and father”, how emotional bond is attached to this phenomenon, this phenomenon ” It takes a great deal of courage and dedication to understand how difficult and complex, even impossible, it is for a child to differentiate between “mother” and “father”.
The children of “separated parents” who do not show this self-sacrifice and courage are unhappy.
Regardless of their age, trying to separate the “mother and father” phenomenon is a boring, sad, unpleasant and difficult process for the child. In addition, this process is often not understood by the child. The same process and the difficulty in making sense of this process are valid even for children whose parents have been fighting for a long time, who are in conflict and who openly witness this situation.
Whether they are or not, mother and father are the most beautiful couple, they are the most suitable for each other, they understand each other best, they are always next to each other, they are always next to each other. It is not just a man and a woman, mother and father are mother and father, they are always there, where you turn your head, when you call, when you come, when you miss, when you want, when you don’t want, where you always turn your head, just like when you opened your eyes to life, just like when you were growing up, where you always turn your head… Of course, this is the case for a child.
Mother and father, who are actually a man and a woman, experience countless storms in their lives, expectations, disappointments, anger, sadness, resentment… And an end. About the separation of men and women, ordinary, sometimes unexpected, sometimes compulsory, sometimes full of destruction, sometimes arbitrary. And there is a big mistake that starts right there, a grave mistake that “mothers and fathers” make as a woman and a man, and that they see their “children” as only human beings. A misconception that reaches its peak by telling their “children” that their “mother and father” are separated.
Will mom and dad break up?
This is a color that is never in a child’s backyard. Is it gray? Is it black? No, it is a color that never existed, that he never knew, that he could never understand even if he had heard of it, that he never knew. The child tries to place this color somewhere, but he cannot do it, anywhere in his garden and no color can accommodate the separation of his “mother and father”.
While this separation cannot sit anywhere, dozens of things are added to it. Angers, fights, conflicts, comings and goings, rules, longings, questions, words, words… Words flying in the child’s ear about a color he never knew…
While trying to cope with all this, the wounds opened in the heart of the child, who will live with him for the rest of his life, no matter where he goes, no matter how old he gets, whoever he loves, he will always be with him. He will be a close friend. That color will grow with the child, will grow, and will never leave him.
Will mom and dad break up?
Inseparable.
Only a man and a woman are separated.
When a man and a woman break up, they can leave sadness behind, anger, fear, disappointment…
But he would never leave a child a friend he would carry for the rest of his life and whom he could never understand, never know and never loved.
Therefore, do not expect your child to understand that his parents have separated, and do not act on this expectation. In fact, remind him often that you are only separated with your spouse, that this is the separation of a man and a woman, that his “mother and father” will always be “mother and father”, if you are going to add a color to your child’s life, add a beautiful color that he can understand and love.
