Self-confident child; means a happy child who does not hesitate to express his thoughts, who can produce alternative solutions, who can recognize his limits correctly, who can feel that he has endless love, who has not lost his motivation to always do better.
1. In order to raise a self-confident child, you must first know your child accurately and objectively, and your expectations must be realistic and appropriate for the child’s age. eg. Do not expect your child to collect the toys that he distributed when he was 3 years old.
2.Do not forget that children show different characteristics according to their age. eg. Children under the age of 3 may not be able to share their toys.
3.Do not compare your child with other children or peers. Do you like it if they compare you to other parents? Think.
4.Children need to hear exactly what we expect from them in the learning process. Details and examples can be given in this process. Do not forget that you also set an example in this regard. eg. Explain in advance that when you go to the theater, he will wait his turn and that he should not speak loudly.
5. Explain what awaits the child in the environments he or she will encounter for the first time, so that he/she does not feel inadequate in the society if there are incompatibilities and if he receives criticism because he does not know.
6.Experiment the correct behavior with the child with games. Ex. Show that you can use sentences such as ‘will you allow’ instead of imagining that you are going to a crowded place and pushing the person in front of you to pass.
7.Children may change their behavior in certain situations and may have difficulty in following the rules. eg. They can be impatient when they are tired, sleepless or hungry. In these situations, apply tolerance to some of their behaviors. When you show the right attitude towards your child, this does not mean that you will break the rules.
8. In order not to be in a hurry to go to work and children in the morning and not to communicate with your child in a way you don’t want (eg. I’m tired of you, do I have to wake you up every morning?) Complete your own preparations in the evening and before the children wake up.
9. If your child is small, help him pack his clothes and school bag the night before.
10. Do not add negative conflicts such as ‘you ate or didn’t eat’ to the rush of getting ready in the morning. Try to compensate for this need in other meals. Remember that even most adults are reluctant to have breakfast in the morning.
11.Help children take active roles and responsibilities in enforcing the rules. Putting an alarm clock in his room to wake him up in the morning, leaving it up to your child to adjust the amount if you want all the food to taste.
12. Be careful that the rules you set do not turn into ‘communicative communication’ between you and your child after a while. Remember that some things children will learn from you by setting an appropriate example, or the behavior will be reinforced when they appreciate what they’ve done. Otherwise, you may experience intense conflicts with a child who perceives everything as a rule. Remember that a child who has too many rules at home can also rebel against the rules at school.
13. Asking children’s opinions and emphasizing that they have different perspectives will make them feel more important and their shyness in expressing themselves in social environments will decrease.
14. Make children feel that their choices are also important. eg. The band they listen to, the clothes they wear.
15.Children should know what will happen when the rules are not followed. Here, care should be taken not to delay the sanctions to be created against the behavior that is not followed and not to generalize. eg. If you play the computer for more than 2 hours again, saying that you are banned from the computer until summer means a punishment that is difficult and unrealistic to apply. Such punishments are both difficult to implement and increase the possibility of stubbornness in communication. It would be more appropriate to set a short-term limit instead.
16. It is important for teachers to organize meetings with children and provide information so that all children perceive the school and classroom rules correctly in the first weeks of school.
17. Rules should be posted in the classroom at eye level so that children can see them.
18.Children should know in advance what can happen if they do not follow the rules.
19. If you are not able to explain the rule you have set at that moment, prepare an environment to explain why later by making a statement such as ‘I am your elder and it is my duty to make this decision, there are many reasons that I cannot discuss with you right now’.
20. Do not neglect or abuse the child physically and/or emotionally (eg humiliating, belittling, despising, constantly criticizing, swearing).
21. The ‘broken record technique’ can be used in communication with children. It may be necessary to make similar warnings one after the other. After repeating it 3 times with an appropriate and persuasive language, you can tell your expectations more decisively and make them turn to the behavior. In the beginning, children want to test whether you will maintain your resolve.
22. Make your child feel that you value and love them with all their characteristics. Remember that everyone has positive and negative traits.
23. It is important for our child to know that he has a special place in the family and to feel loved, even if there are problems with his behavior and thoughts.
24. Criticize their behavior, not your child. eg. Instead of ‘You are a bad boy, you hit your brother’ it is not right to ‘hit your brother’.
25. Do not criticize children in front of their friends in a hurtful way in class. In this case, other children will also focus more on the negative features of your student and will be able to exclude him.
26. Allow yourself the opportunity to make mistakes without feeling guilty. eg. Tell the child about the mistakes in the homework without blaming him or make him aware of it. Make him feel that you realize and succeed when his mistakes are reduced.
27. Use encouraging messages for the child’s appropriate behavior. eg. Well done, you are very diligent today, you tidied your room very well, I was happy to hear that you attended the lessons more when I talked to your teacher.
28. When using encouraging messages, be careful to use social rewards, which are very effective in reinforcing a desired behavior such as smiling, hugging, kissing, and eye contact. Remember that over time, material rewards lose their appeal.
29. Children should not be given discouraging messages. eg. It’s always your problem, you never listen to me. These situations cause feelings of shame or guilt, inhibit cooperation, and activate feelings of resistance and revenge.
30. Speak with ME LANGUAGE when expressing your feelings and thoughts. eg. ‘How do you do that? ‘I don’t understand why you’re doing this’ instead of ‘what kind of a child are you’
31.Give your child limited choices. It is one of the effective methods for children to listen and cooperate. Since the child is given the chance to choose, he thinks that he is in control and likes to do what he chooses. It enables the child to gain self-discipline and develop the ability to make the right decisions.
32. Try to be a good listener for your child. ‘What would I think, how would I feel if I were in his place?’ Try to empathize by saying.
33. Express that you understand your child’s feelings. You seem annoyed that I told you to eat vegetables, but…’
34. Ask helpful questions to get the child to reflect on their problems and come to their own solutions. eg. How do you intend to solve this problem?
35. Show alternative behaviors for young children to do instead of negative behavior. eg. Tell him what to do instead of saying don’t do it.
36. To help children finish an activity, allow time to mentally prepare for the change. eg. Shake 3 more times and we go home.
37. Apply the ‘work before fun’ principle. eg. Making a cake together after collecting their toys.
38. Notes and shapes are good ways to get your child’s collaboration. eg. Don’t forget to make your bed note.
39. If your child shows negative behaviors, try to understand the reasons behind this behavior and take precautions.
40. Try not to lose control. Aggressive attitudes (eg beating) and words (eg humiliating) do not have the power to correct the child’s behavior.
41. If you are on a day when you are not intolerant or if you want to take a short time for yourself, take precautions and explain the situation to your child. eg. I’m so tired today, I want you to play without making any noise.
42. Give yourself time to think. eg. I have to think about this a little bit.
43.Be careful that the result you will apply in case of breaking the rules is used in the appropriate and correct place. eg. If he went out without your permission, he may be banned from going out for a few days.
44. Try to avoid empty threats that you cannot do, or do not use a situation that you cannot apply as a tool of fear and pressure. eg. I will not bring you to the playground again.
45.Use humor. Children are more comfortable accepting what is said to them in jest. However, care must be taken not to make fun of the joke.
46. If possible, use the word ‘yes’ instead of ‘no’. eg. Yes you can eat chocolate but after dinner.
47.Explain the circumstances. eg. I have to cook our food first, I know you’ll be waiting for me.
48. If possible, have the child see the results. eg. Look, our box is empty, there is no chocolate left.
48. Set a good example for your child. Because children observe the behavior of their parents and repeat their behavior.
Let’s raise our children as good models, by controlling what they follow, helping them choose friends, enabling them to develop appropriate coping methods, being responsible for their behavior, and making them feel loved no matter what they do.
