Appropriate guidance is of great importance in the formation of our children’s behavior. Their behavior is shaped by the reactions they get from adults. Some of the techniques we will use are aimed at increasing positive behaviors, while others are aimed at extinguishing negative behaviors. Established ways of eliminating negative behavior are standard. But every child and family is different, and behavior modification methods can vary from one child to the next. It is important to review the psychobiological conditions of children that must be met and to act accordingly. (Satisfying curiosities, physical activity needs, food and water needs, urine and stool requirements, fatigue, changes in temperature and humidity levels, etc.) If these psychobiological needs are met, it may be helpful to make a plan to change the negative behavior.
PLANNING TO CHANGE NEGATIVE BEHAVIOR
Behavior change takes place in the following stages:
1. The problem is identified.
2. The purpose is determined.
3. The ways to achieve the goal are taught to the child.
1. Defining the problem: Sometimes there is confusion as to whether a child’s problem is a behavior problem or a personality problem. If you see your child’s problem as an emotional or personality problem, you attribute some adjectives to him. For example; “”shy””, “”dependent on mother””, “”aggressive”” etc. These adjectives may cause us to perceive the child’s problem as an unchangeable feature and not make an effort to fix it. If you treat the problem as the child’s behavior, you can do something to change that behavior. For example, instead of “”Can is greedy””, instead of “”Can takes food from other people’s plates.”” “Murat is aggressive”” instead of “”Murat pinches his little brother.”” “”Esra is negative”” instead of “”Esra does everything she does It would be appropriate to define it as “asking for help from others”.
2. Setting a Goal: The goal you set will show what you will strive to achieve. The easiest way to set goals for the behavior you want to change is to add “”don’t”” to the child’s description of the behavior.
Behavior: Can takes food from other people’s plates.
Purpose: Can not take food from other people’s plates.
3. Teaching Ways to Achieve Purpose:
- Set your goals and be consistent.
- Determine how you will react as a deterrent when your child does the undesirable behavior.
- Demonstrate the deterrent immediately after the undesirable behavior.
- Wait for the undesirable behavior to worsen and then improve.
- Reward your child’s positive behavior.
- Teach your child positive behaviors to do as an alternative to undesirable behavior.
- Involve everyone around your child in the behavior change program you are trying to implement.
- Keep track of progress.
DETENTIVE REACTIONS AFTER UNWANTED BEHAVIOR:
- IGNORE
This technique is used to focus on positive behaviors instead of highlighting the negative ones. Ignoring can be particularly effective in attention-seeking behaviors. As your child sees that the negative behavior does not cause a reaction, he may stop doing this behavior. Even if you have to take care of your child physically, be careful not to make eye contact or talk. In some cases, it may be impossible to ignore. For example, if he has pinched his younger brother, his brother cannot cry. Therefore, after such behavior, it will be necessary to use a different deterrent response.
- BREAKTHROUGH
In the time-out application, the child is left alone for a short period of time, about 5 minutes, right after he/she commits the undesirable behavior. The child is told why he was taken out, but no other explanation is given. Care should be taken not to end the recess period because of the child’s protests. If this happens, the child’s violent behavior will also be rewarded. If the child has caused confusion in the room where this technique is performed, it is useful to restore it before leaving the room. If you can implement it as you planned, continue taking the break after each undesirable behavior for up to two weeks. If the unwanted behavior has decreased after this period, continue the application. If there is no reduction in unwanted behavior, try another deterrent technique.
- A STRICT NO
If you say “No” firmly and firmly and your child stops being misbehaving, get him/her interested in something else right away. Avoid repeating “no” as hearing too much leads to insensitivity.
- VERBAL WARNING
Give your child a chance to correct his mistake. Like “”What did your father just say?”” or “What was our rule about knives?””… Such a warning at least gives the child an opportunity to re-evaluate what he has done.
- POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT
Reinforcement should be given when the target behavior occurs. For example; Every time the selected target behavior (child lying in his own bed, asking for something without crying, etc.) occurs, positive behavior is rewarded with reinforcements that you specify, such as saying well done, hugging, smiling, verbally approving the behavior. It is also important not to use a reinforcer that you cannot keep the child away from or that you have problems with. In such a case, the reinforcer, which is extremely exciting for the child, comes to the fore and it is possible to concentrate on this reinforcement rather than the behavior that should be acquired.
- DISAPPEARING
Depriving the child of an object or activity, such as taking the toy, and explaining the reason clearly can be used to eliminate negative behavior.
- RESTRICTION
In some cases, it may be helpful to organize the environment to prevent undesirable behavior. It’s like holding a child who is hitting.
FINALLY, TO AVOID BEHAVIOR PROBLEMS
- Recognize and reward positive behavior,
- Set clear, simple and consistent rules,
- Give positive directions ,
- Identify your reactions when ‘misbehaving’.
WE MUST ALSO REMEMBER TO ALWAYS
- argue about the rules,
- shout,
- change your mind,
- If you hit me, I’ll hit you) we should avoid.
But although “”zamane” children give adult answers to the questions posed and surprise us at every opportunity, the child is not an adult. He learns to think and act like an adult when the time comes. When giving aversive responses and rewards to our children, we must consider their developmental stages and natural limitations. When the time comes, we can put ourselves in our child’s shoes and try to see how the events and situation look from where he stands. In that case, what do you feel like to do and say when you are in his place? Children may not always receive what you give correctly or in the way you want them to. Looking at yourself through the eyes of the other party can help you see things differently and, in this way, better understand your children. This attitude will also help strengthen the dialogue between you and your child. Parenting is a 24-hour and almost lifelong task/profession. Our aim is for our children to be individuals who have self-control, who can make decisions on their own and who can bear the responsibilities of these decisions/choices, and that they can express their feelings and thoughts. You may have difficulty implementing all of the above suggestions completely. Dealing with negative behaviors is not easy. But you should not forget that by acting consistently, calmly and decisively, you will reach your desired goal. Don’t forget to reward yourself for each progress…
