Criticism is the work of examining a person, a work, a subject in order to find and show its right and wrong sides, criticism… This is how the Turkish Language Institution defines the word criticism. The definition mentions two aspects of criticism, namely positive and negative criticism. When we say criticism, the first thing that comes to our mind is negative criticism. Generally, the subject of positive criticism is a less familiar concept. We often do not find it necessary to talk about the right, beautiful and successful aspects of a person for various reasons. “It should be”, “Am I exaggerating?” We avoid making positive criticism with thoughts such as: By making false criticism, we face other difficulties in society. We must be careful how we say it, what we use, and our voice because the other person may be upset, angry, hurt, or defensive.
With a child in front of us, how are we to judge his right and wrong?
Adults criticize children more easily than their peers. Adults can criticize a child’s right and wrong without paying too much attention to the impact this may have on the child. Or they may avoid criticizing their children for some reason. Leaving the child without feedback does not affect the child positively. Children want to understand things, so if there is no suggestion, the child may feel empty. Feedback is also a sign that we are noticing the child’s wrong or right behavior. In addition to noticing their undesirable behavior, what needs to be emphasized is how much we, as parents, value our children. We must encourage them in fulfilling their responsibilities and find a balance when criticizing our children positively or negatively. It is seen that it is not right to constantly criticize children, the identity construction of children who are constantly criticized is unhealthy and their self-image is negative. Children raised in this way can become pessimistic people who do not know how to be happy in the future, are insecure, introverted, and see the bad side of things.
Another point that should not be forgotten is that we are in a state of development, change and growth throughout life. Childhood is a period of rapid development, change and growth. As individuals living in society, no matter what age we are, we have two aspects as human beings; good and bad, what we understand and what we don’t understand, what we can do and what we can’t. At this time, adults, parents act as a mirror to the child. Children take their parents, teachers and adults as role models in the environment they grow up in. Therefore, when we are aware that we are showing children right and wrong in what we do and say, we can be more careful with our verbal and nonverbal behaviors because we are also aware of our impact on them. . How we communicate, be patient, and criticize is important to children. In order for criticism to show a positive change in the child, an adult must be able to give enough time, wait and be patient. When parents value their children’s ideas and listen to their ideas after criticizing them, children become more confident and can form and maintain positive relationships. In addition, positive qualities such as love, tolerance and patience in the family environment and the listening of family members to each other enable children to display positive personality traits.
What should we pay attention to when criticizing children?
• Your criticism helps your child grow.
• Criticize your child’s behavior, not his personality. Criticism of a child’s personality can hurt him.
• Do not stop criticizing your child’s right and wrong sides.
• If you focus only on the positive aspects and do not voice the negative aspects, they see themselves as “great” and cannot tolerate failures and mistakes. On the contrary, constantly talking about the negative aspects of himself makes him feel “worthless”.
• Let them express their thoughts and behaviors.
• Even if you disagree with your child, he should be given the opportunity to express himself. Seeing a child’s thoughts as disgusting, inadequate, and belittling can silence the child and cause unexpressed anger.
• Try to feel their emotions and empathize. Instead of giving your negative criticism when you don’t understand it in anger, a calmer and calmer environment can be preferred for negative criticism.
• Attention should be paid to the language and voice used in criticism.
• You should express your true feelings and thoughts. If your words say something else, if you feel something else, children notice such situations and conflicting conversations can confuse them.
• To criticize, you must first describe the event and then explain how you felt. For example, “I feel this way because you feel that way.”
• There are situations where you can criticize and get no results. It can be used to change a child’s behavior as a way to change your own behavior.
• Do not criticize negative aspects in front of the crowd or others.
• Give your child time to correct negative aspects. Change takes time. When many methods have been tried and no change has been achieved; At this point, you can get help from an expert.
