Most families in our society do not know how to explain their decision to leave, and even postpone their divorce for a long time because of their concerns that their children will not be affected and that they will have problems in the future.
The effect of divorce on children is closely related to how parents reflect and explain this situation to the child.
Sweet homes built with great happiness, enthusiasm and dreams may come to an end due to some disagreements and irreparable reasons. Of course, although every couple starts with the intention of continuing a lifetime, unresolved problems may arise between the spouses or their third parties.
If the spouses have decided to separate, the important thing is to tell it correctly according to the child’s age and development. For children, postponing the divorce and continuing the marriage in a tense environment can negatively affect the child’s development and psychology.
The child should not be treated as if nothing had happened. In such cases, the child may blame himself/herself, ”I wonder if I did something, my parents left. He may think, “Did I do a lot of mischief?” For this reason, it is very important to tell the age and how to explain it, but it is necessary to give the following message in an understandable way for all ages. “It’s not your fault, parents may sometimes fight or decide to live in other houses, we love you very much, and you will be able to see us and stay with us whenever you want.” These messages should be given frequently so that the child can adapt to the situation more easily and stop blaming himself. .
And spouses should never denigrate each other or the atmosphere should not be tense at times of gathering. These behaviors can reduce the child’s love and trust in both the abusive parent and the vilified parent.
If you are going to spend this period with an expert, there are some important questions that the expert should know before helping you, these are;
- Who (with whom) will the child stay?
- At what age did the child break up?
- Has divorce ever been mentioned before, how was it mentioned?
- How often will he see the other parent?
- Do parents get together from time to time?
- When you come together, what is the atmosphere like, what is being done, what is being talked about?
- Is there a second marriage status on both sides?
Parents usually decide on these issues, but sometimes it is necessary to decide together with parents and experts according to the child’s mental and developmental period (problem).
