HOW SHOULD I SET LIMITS ON MY CHILD?
One of the issues that parents have the most difficulty with, are most worried about how to do it, and therefore they are in dilemma, is to set boundaries for the child. Many parents believe in the necessity of setting boundaries, but do not know how to do it. First of all, it is necessary to understand what it means to set boundaries. Setting boundaries is actually helping the child understand where their rights begin and end. It is to teach rules without breaking the relationship of trust with their parents. Setting boundaries teaches the child which behavior is right, which behavior is wrong, and what result will come when he/she performs the behavior he/she chooses. It also teaches them to take responsibility for their chosen actions. With setting boundaries, children’s self-control skills develop. They also learn that it is not possible for them to reach the things they want at all times thanks to the borders. As a parent, you may worry that your child won’t like you when you try to set boundaries. But the point you should not forget is that you cannot damage your secure bond while setting boundaries. The child feels more secure when you can’t understand and reflect back on their feelings. Boundaries can be taught to children when they begin to walk and gradually get out of the dependent situation and become independent. Children who are aware of the boundaries at a young age adapt to social rules more easily in the following years and their social skills develop significantly.
There are some important points to consider when setting boundaries for children. The boundaries to be taught to the child should be very short, clear and in a language appropriate for the child’s age. The child should never be threatened when setting boundaries. For example, if you continue to do that, I will report you to your teacher or that I am your mother should not be said. Especially in the period up to the age of 7, children do not develop abstract operations, and since they are still in the concrete operational stage, they perceive threats as real and are emotionally traumatized. Family members share in common when limits are applied.
must use a language. While the limits are applied by one of the family members, they should not be violated by the other. It must be applied consistently, and the rule set must apply everywhere at all times. The rules set at home should not be stretched in the grandmother’s or grandmother’s house, and it should not be thought that nothing will happen at once. Because the rule that can be stretched once for the child can always be stretched.
There are 4 stages of setting healthy boundaries:
1- Acknowledge the child’s feelings and reflect them back on the child
Example: I know you want to play more tablets, you love it.
2- Express the boundaries concisely and clearly
Example: But the tablet is not for playing that long.
3- Offer suitable alternative
Example: Instead of a tablet, we can do your favorite activity together
4- Express the last elections and their results
Example: If you choose to play more tablets; tomorrow you choose not to play tablets at all
If the child insists on not following the rule, repeat the rule in a calm and determined tone. If he continues to disobey, let him experience the consequences of his behavior. If he has a tantrum because he’s been blocked, don’t do whatever he wants to keep him quiet. This will give him a secondary gain. During a tantrum, ensure the child’s safety, cut off eye contact and interest, and talk about his behavior after he calms down. If you feel difficult despite all your efforts, seek support from an expert.
