One of the most common expressions we hear these days is “I’m like friends with my child, you should be friends with your child”.
Friendship is beautiful, being a friend and sharing and most of all being able to share emotions, expressing oneself comfortably and expressing every special mood.
Although the concept of friend has changed a bit, these things are very much now. things that can be experienced in special friendships and the number of these friends is too few to exceed the fingers of one hand.
So what shall we do?
So few friends and struggling to express ourselves, but no one hears us. We want to pour out our hearts, drop by drop we have accumulated a lot; must be emptied so that new ones can fill their place.
These are the things we can’t handle in life, our sadness, our boredom, our tired life that we can’t say OH. The burden of life is heavy. Maybe everything is done with machines, many supports that make life easier are right next to us.
But our souls are left without support. It’s all about shape and formalism.
We expect life-weary parents to be friends with their children. It makes a great effort to be and be friends with many parents. Efforts cannot be ignored.
Another group of parents says “I was born once, I live my life”, leaving their children and their children in the middle and seeking to satisfy their own desires.
It is not an easy situation to be like friends with your child and to reflect this, even to reflect it correctly.
Because how far will you be in the friend position, where will parenting boundaries begin?
In your child’s daily life, there are people under the name of “friends”, whose numbers vary and whose sincerity and details vary from child to child or according to their developmental stage. Where is your place as a parent in this?
Certain sanctions of friends, from you; As long as it doesn’t harm their own interests, they don’t have much expectations. If you can’t find common ground in the end, you will end your friendship and turn to other choices.
However, this is not the case with parental friendship. You will have some sanctions for your child’s education and future, some behaviors that you need to help him shape his life correctly, maybe boring for him, but must have.
Children do not learn the truth by just living, some of them will be learned by example and communication as parents.
Friendship pushed the boundaries and adolescents did not recognize any respect or authority when faced with obstacles or an unwanted event.
The concept of friendship is already very differentiated. Young people are generally accustomed to receiving, but when you start to expect something from them, nothing worse than you. What is expected is for their benefit again..
Relationships cannot be established correctly. The concept of RESPECT is considered almost equivalent to being LOWER today.
Teacher-student; the parent is unable to maintain the right relationships with their child. Attitudes can provide a basis for settlement when a majority can be achieved. Family and school participation will be possible with the correct and common attitude of the parents, by showing support attitudes to the spouse without quarreling the other parent with their child, and by ensuring the participation of more people.
Being like a friend does not mean doing whatever the child and adolescent want and not encountering any obstacles.
Where has education been? It is defined as “Education is the process of creating desired changes in an individual’s behavior”. Desired changes, on the other hand, cannot be achieved with vast, unlimited freedoms.
It is necessary to know how far freedom is and where the boundaries of others begin. Children and adolescents should be made to feel at every opportunity that rules are necessary to maintain a healthy community life.
Although the subject of obeying the rules is given importance in kindergartens and partially in primary education, when we say “I will be friends” afterwards, boundaries are completely destroyed.
This is not in the form of immediately setting barriers in front of adolescents, but gradually, making it a lifestyle and acquiring the rules and skills of living in the society starting from kindergarten; will be possible by continuing them.
Since the education system is only exam-oriented and based on teaching, families inevitably focus on the child’s success in the course and are missing in the “education of behavior” part.
Emotional problems of children and adolescents can be ignored and eventually the problems manifest themselves with an explosion. There are results that no one ever wanted or expected.
Very valuable CANs are destroyed by explosions that can often be vital. Violence snatches away the lives of either the adolescent, the parent or the teacher from us…
Our friendship with our children is not an empty friendship, it is an opportunity where behaviors as parents are considered important, parents have a common attitude, do not forget that they are also models. There should be a FRIENDSHIP process in which education is valued, and if necessary, help from experts should be sought in negative behaviors.
Problems should be solved when they are small, the solution is easy, the waste of effort and time is minimal. You start your life right where you left off, where you got stuck.
Wishing you good friendships with your child..
ÖZNUR SIMAV – PEDAGOG
FAMILY AND COMMUNICATION COUNSELOR – EXPERT – EDUCATIONAL
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