Suggestions that may be useful during adolescence.
Adolescence is an intermediate stage in which a person is neither a child nor an adult. This process is fraught with difficulties for both young people and parents. In this period, using the right approaches can be helpful in reducing the problems experienced.
Be open to change and improvement.
Today, rapid and radical changes are taking place in many fields. While young people can adapt to these changes much faster by nature, their parents’ behaviors belong to older years. If we want to have fewer problems with our adolescent children and to understand them better, it is imperative that we catch the change and accept to improve our attitudes towards them.
Respect.
We should look at our adolescent children as people who deserve value and can grow. As long as we treat them with respect, we can have an impact. Most families might say we already do this, but what is usually done is to treat them like children and just tell them what to do. When we think that there are problems with their attitudes and behaviors, first of all, it is necessary to try to understand the thoughts and feelings behind it. Interventions without understanding their feelings and thoughts will result in a ‘you don’t understand me’ reaction or silence. If you respect him, his respect for you will grow.
‘ERROR’ is the most distinctive feature of this period.
One of the most basic characteristics of adolescence is making mistakes. When families face their children’s mistakes, they begin to fear that their future will be affected and damaged. These fears turn into disaster scenarios in a very short time. Families that start to fear and worry that they will be harmed resort to control and strict rules. Maybe these protective parenting attitudes will work in the short term, but the opportunity for mistakes and experience will be missed. With these attitudes, the problem in life is solved by the mother and father, not the youth, but the test of life is the adolescent, not the parents. Believing that children can cope with problems and trusting them should be our most basic behavior. The goal of families should be to raise individuals who ‘make mistakes, gain experience and DEVELOP’, not perfect children.
Don’t make small issues a point of discussion.
During adolescence, different roles and different behaviors are tried. Such trials are often part of their growth process and are not permanent. Different music, strange haircuts, strange clothes and friends you do not adopt may be chosen. Opposing such attempts in the process of forming the identity of young people unnecessarily increases the tension and the chance of communication with the adolescent is missed.
Trying is better than nothing.
The young person in this period has dreams, desires and wants to achieve a lot. Even if your child, who feels this desire, tries an experiment that you don’t like, support this initiative. The failures they will experience in these trials will teach them a lot. As a result of these behaviors that are wrong for you, it teaches much more than not trying at all. The foundations of self-confidence are laid with these trials. In this way, his needs for appreciation are also met. Adolescents, who cannot meet this need within the family, may turn to different groups of friends more easily.
Give them unconditional love.
Adolescents are typically indifferent to what their parents say and often disappoint their parents. It can be difficult for families to love adolescents who make a lot of mistakes, don’t care about the rules, and have careless behaviors despite these problematic behaviors. We must state that we love our young people, whether they smoke, commit crimes or commit serious mistakes, and that this love is unconditional and that you are there for them when they need help.
Never Compare.
Never compare our children who have problems during a difficult period such as adolescence and who are trying to cope with these problems. Giving others an example and comparing them with others only causes the adolescent to react. This attitude may cause them not to see the positive side and to feel bad towards the person you are comparing.
Ignore their fluctuating moods.
Your child’s emotions begin to become more intense and volatile. In addition, their behavior is different from the past, your tolerant and compatible child may be replaced by a more aggressive, reckless and angry person. Be tolerant of such changes and try not to react too quickly. Don’t be touchy when you see it as acts done out of spite or against you.
Criticize their behavior, not their personality.
While parents do not like the behavior of the child most of the time, they express this situation as if they do not like the child himself. The goal should always be to interpret negative behavior with careful sentences. Saying ‘you are lazy’ to your child that you want to change about studying will mean putting this adjective on his personality. This attitude creates resistance or resentment, not change.
Do not interfere in their lives without permission.
Do not interfere in their private areas without permission, remembering that they are now adult candidates. Behaviors such as scrambling cell phones without permission, raiding their room, and spying on what they are talking about with their friends will cause your child to engage in stealthy behavior and lie from you.
Best regards
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