Divorce
Divorces are appearing with increasing frequency in the world and Turkey due to various economic and social reasons. After a divorce, it is often the most vulnerable and vulnerable children who are most affected.
Is it okay to maintain unhappy marriages so that children are not affected?
Taking the decision of divorce is a very difficult step for parents due to various reasons such as feelings of guilt, financial issues and social reasons. Many unhappy couples delay the decision to divorce because of the current difficulties and the unhappiness of the children. Since the postponement of the divorce does not solve the problems between the parents, fights and problems continue in marriages that work ‘only for children’. Studies and clinical observations show that marriages that only work for the sake of children do little.
Is there anything that can be done to make children less affected by the divorce process?
There are many steps that can be taken for the well-being of children in the divorce decision, the explanation of this decision and the post-divorce period, but divorce is a difficult period for the child, and the child is definitely affected more or less during this period. Long-term results will be much better if correct and healthy steps are taken and expert help is sought for everyone in the family when necessary.
What would be the correct steps?
If there is tension and unhappiness in the family, the child will often feel that something is wrong. If the parents have made the decision to divorce as a couple, they should definitely explain their decision to the child correctly.
Where should the divorce decision be explained to the child?
Sometimes, families who have decided to divorce and even start living separately, apply for an expert to tell them because they cannot express their own decision. The most correct thing is to explain it together by both parents in the home environment where the child is used to and feels safe. In this way, the child can more easily express how he feels about the decision to divorce and can ask questions that come to mind, and the probability of parents telling different stories is reduced. If there is more than one child, it should be discussed collectively as the whole family increases trust and support.
Is it the right time to say it?
An explanation should be given when the parents finalize their divorce decision. Announcing the decision a week or two before the mother or father leaves home allows the child to prepare for this situation. During this period, he should be allowed to freely express his feelings, ask questions and show his first reactions, and he should be supported. If the announcement of the decision to the children is delayed and this decision is avoided, the shock that the child will experience when he hears it increases.
How should it be said?
It should be explained in a way suitable for the age of children, in a short, clear way and in a way that they can understand by using similes if necessary. In order to protect children from uncertainties, the plans for the next period of divorce, such as who they will live with after the divorce, how often they will meet with the other parent, should be explained. It should be clearly stated that they think that they would be happier as parents by living separately, and that this decision was not taken because of the child. It should be emphasized that the spouses are separated, but as parents, there is no question of separation from the children and they love and will love him very much.
What other considerations are there?
Efforts should be made for children to experience changes such as nursery, school and place of residence gradually so that they do not experience multiple changes apart from divorce. It is beneficial for children to stay in their old living spaces with the parents they will live with.
The spouse who is away from home after the divorce must see his child constantly and regularly and continue to share his care and responsibility. Spouses should show that they still remain parents of the child by taking time and sharing responsibilities. While they share this interest and responsibility, they must act jointly by communicating.
Financial issues and disagreements that are problems between couples after divorce should not be made to feel and talked about whenever possible.
After the divorce, individuals other than the mother and father who are around the child should be very careful and negative things should not be spoken about the distant parent. These spoken negativities fuel the feelings of guilt, anger and in-betweenness in children.
Also, being the child of a divorced family does not mean that extra concessions will be made. Making extra and unnecessary rewards and pampering so that the child does not get upset does not reduce the difficulty experienced in this process, on the contrary, it brings additional problems.
What can happen to a child after a divorce?
The experiences and reactions of each child vary depending on their age, past experiences, personality and ability to cope with problems. The child is often surprised when he first receives the news, tries to figure out what it means, gets angry, and shows behaviors to blame himself and those around him. Preschoolers in particular tend to think of themselves as the reason for divorce. In adolescence, intense anger, irregular behavior and rebellion are often seen. Regardless of age, divorce leaves a mark on the child, and healthy management of this process is critical for a person to live a happy life in the future.
What should be considered when a decision to remarry is made?
When divorced couples decide to remarry, they should clearly explain this situation to the children in advance and give them time to prepare. The process of adjusting to remarriage after divorce is influenced by many factors, such as the temperament of the children, their age, and their feelings towards the biological parent, and there is no standard appropriate time. For this reason, children should not be pressured to call the new partner mom or dad until they get used to their new home. Comparisons and comparisons should not be made to their children during new marriages. Each relationship should be lived separately and away from the shadow of the previous one.
Best regards
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