GO TO SCHOOL CEEEEEM !!!!!
“My child started primary school this year when he was 6 years old. He said that he did not want to go to school since the morning of the first day although he was preparing for school with a great desire. Despite all my efforts, I could not get him into the classroom. He wants to stay with me, he never leaves my side. He is at school now. “He was a child dependent on me in the past, but this commitment increased after he started school. Should I force the child to take him to school? How would you advise me to act?”
With the start of the new school year, this situation that families frequently encounter can be described as school phobia. Even if some children seem very eager before starting school, they do not have this desire when it comes to school and they do not want to go to school. The most important symptom of school phobia is the feeling of intense distress and restlessness at school. For this reason, the child does not want to go to school and cannot be alone at school. Fear of School, especially seen in children starting primary school, is related to the anxiety of being separated from the mother and abandonment. He worries that in the absence of his mother, he and his mother will be harmed and abandoned. When the child sees that he/she is left alone in an unfamiliar environment with people he/she does not know, with another adult he/she does not know, who is also a person representing authority (teacher), he/she gets scared and worried. He experiences intense distress. If the child was asked, he would prefer to be in the warm house of his family instead of this uneasiness.
Of course, if the child’s first long-term separation from parents is the first day of school, the child will not like school. Because for the first time this “school” separated him from his family. Therefore, it is necessary for families to do various exercises in order to eliminate this excessive dependence from the preschool age. When leaving your child’s side; You should state why you are leaving, where you are going and when you will arrive, and stick to these explanations. When you stretch the time, he will think that he has been abandoned. Even if you say “I’ve come,” he will be worried every time you go or if he doesn’t come back. School also plays a big role in helping your child overcome their fear of school. The teacher should endear the school and explain what the school does in a way that the child can perceive.
“If you are worried about leaving your child alone at school, do not expect your child to be comfortable
”
The most common causes of School Fear:
The source of school fear is usually the mother or the child.
If the mother and father have separation anxiety, the child has learned this anxiety
The child is afraid that something will happen to his mother or father in his absence, or he is afraid that they will leave him.
If the parents have raised the child dependent on them, the child’s insecurity causes him to be afraid of school
The child feels insecure alone
Children who develop fear of school usually have success anxiety, are well-behaved Children with these personality traits start the illness (illness in the family, family history). socioeconomic crisis, birth of a sibling, immigration, a loss, change of school or teacher, a situation that threatens your dignity or body at school).
As it can be understood from these reasons, it is more likely that children who received constant parental support in early childhood, were not given responsibility, and did not develop self-confidence because they did not take responsibility, experience School Fear. But this is not the end of everything, of course. Children can learn everything faster with the right approach. For this, it is enough to be consistent and sincere. If you can make your child love school and get him to go to school no matter what, he can get used to school.
School phobia is often seen in children who are just starting school. However, there is a possibility that it can be seen in older ages. It can be caused by family problems, negativities at school or an anxiety experienced in the classroom.
SYMPTOMS:
If there is an increase in reluctance, irritability and irritability,
If there is anorexia and restlessness in sleep,
If he is indifferent and unresponsive to school,
If he started crying, fighting and trying to get attention for no reason at school and at home,
If he couldn’t choose between staying at home and missing school assignments and became extremely anxious,
He often had a headache or a headache, even though he wasn’t sick. complains with the excuse of stomachache,
If he develops behaviors such as crying on the way to school, getting sick or not wanting to go to school, and these suddenly disappear when he is allowed to stay at home,
If he feels guilty about not going to school,
If he can be a good student while attending school; fear of school may be suspected.
“Show your love to your child not by doing everything
, but by giving him responsibility
”
SUGGESTIONS:
Going to school should not be compromised, it is absolutely necessary to go to school must go.
It helps if all members of the family are determined and consistent about explaining the purpose of the school to the child and going to school. It should be tried to explain that if he does not go to school, he will fall behind from the studies and this will cause some problems for him. Behaviors that make the child feel abandoned and alone should be avoided.
If her fear is at a high level, you can state that you will go to school together and come to pick her up on the way back. He’ll understand that if you’re consistent you won’t leave him.
Children should not be blamed for not going to school, and their fear and tears should not be mocked.
By keeping the goodbyes quickly and briefly, it is possible to make the necessary explanations and make the separation feel natural.
It can be a relief for both of you to tell her how your day is going and talk to her about how her day was.
The child should be told that he has to go to school, and if time passes, the fear of falling behind in classes will be added to this fear.
Talking about the child’s worries and feelings allows him to both share his distress and feel understood and relax.
It can be explained that this distressing situation may be temporary and that there are other children in the same situation as him.
Collaboration with the school should be made.
Dependence on parents can be reduced by providing leisure time and game skills.
By organizing friend meetings, it is possible to give him the opportunity to gain social skills.
Parents can make it easier to overcome fear by making the expectation level realistic and giving the child time.
Behaviors that make the child feel abandoned and alone should be avoided.
If school phobia persists despite following the recommendations, it may be necessary to consult a child psychiatrist and seek help. A wrong done can lead to the continuation of school fear and the growth of the problem.
Exp. Dr. Figen Karaceylan Çakmakcı
Child Psychiatrist
