Mom, did the storks bring me?
Most people enjoy chatting with children and trying to understand what’s going on in their little brains. Sisterhood, sharing, love of animals, love of nature are our favorite topics. However, children are very curious and question everything. Many people have been through situations where we panicked and didn’t know what to do when questions about reproduction, gender and sexuality, such as the difference between boys and girls, how they were born, how babies were born.
So what are the answers to curious little ones?
Don’t panic
It should be kept in mind that especially preschool children do not attribute the meanings of adults to sexuality, they are only trying to learn concepts that they do not know the meaning of.
Explain simply and without going into details
It is an important step to give children honest answers appropriate for their age, as much as they need, in a simple way, and satisfying their curiosity. The child, who cannot satisfy his curiosity, may obtain false information from different sources, and the consequences of this have the risk of adversely affecting the child’s mental development.
Do not be afraid to say Vagina and Penis
Children should be taught the correct names of the genitals from the age of two. The female genitalia should be called the vagina, the boy’s genitals should be called the penis, nicknames should not be used for the genitals.
“Mother, will my brother pee standing up like me”
When a two-three-year-old child with a newborn sibling is asked, it should be explained to the child in simple language that male and female bodies are different.
For example: “Children are born boys or girls. The private area for girls is called the vagina, and for boys the penis. When the baby is born, parents learn the sex of the baby by looking at the baby’s private parts. Expressions such as “We cannot decide what the sex of the baby will be” can be used.
“Mother, how did I become, where did I come from?”
In the face of such a question from a 3-4 year old child, it can be thought that the child actually wants to learn about reproduction. Of course, the details of reproduction cannot be discussed with a child of this age, but the information he needs should be shared. Very simply, the anatomical structures of the female body can be mentioned.
For example: “While we can see some organs in our body such as eyes and ears, we cannot see some organs such as stomach and heart. Inside the navel of mothers is an organ called the uterus (womb). This organ looks like a hollow ball. The baby settles there in the form of a small lentil grain and grows in the uterus until it is ready to come out. When it reaches enough weight, it goes outside, we call it birth”
“How are babies born? How was I born? Did they cut off your belly?”
Children may want more detailed information as they get older. Questions about the birth of a 4-5 year old child can be explained using some analogies.
For example: “When the baby grows enough in the organ inside the mother’s navel, namely the uterus, it cannot fit into the space it is in. It is now ready to be born. The uterus pushes the baby into the vagina. Vagina; It looks like a long, flexible tube. When the baby arrives, it contracts and relaxes, pushing the baby outwards and the baby is born. Just as the paste comes out when we press the toothpaste tube, babies move outwards with the contraction and relaxation of the vagina and they are born.”
In the face of the child’s endless detailed questions, an appropriate explanation is required.
5-6 year old children may be curious about going one step further and asking for a little more detail. The child has learned that he is growing in the mother’s womb, but with the mother’s and father’s only request, he may fall into the false belief that the baby is the same.
Mom I want to have a brother?
As parents, we have to want it too.
Well, if you want it, how will my brother be? Are we bringing it from the hospital?
What do you and your father need to do?
How will you make a baby?
For example: “Mom and dad make the baby together. A small cell from the father; it’s called a sperm and it’s a very small cell from the mother; this is also called the egg, they are united in the mother. The merging cells first form the tiny, lentil-sized baby. The tiny baby settles in a place called the uterus inside the mother’s navel. The uterus is like a hollow ball. The baby grows there and comes out of the mother’s vagina when it is heavy enough to live outside”.
“How does the father give his sperm to the mother? But how egg and sperm unite”
But, the questions like but, but are the children aged 6-7 years. Children want more detailed information.
For example: “our creator has made a wonderful arrangement so that parents can make new babies. Men and women are like two matching puzzle pieces. In order for the father’s sperm to pass to the mother, it must be close enough to the mother. Sperm must be able to leave the father’s penis and go to the mother’s vagina. The mother’s vagina safely stores and protects the sperm and ensures that they reach the egg in the mother. The sperm from the father’s penis travels to the egg in the mother’s body and unites to form a baby.
Children should be told about sexual intercourse symbolically
Curious children aged 6-7 may often ask for detailed information on subjects they do not know. If the child wants detailed information about sexual intercourse, it can be explained by symbolizing sexual intercourse.
For example: “The penis is adapted to fit the mother’s vagina. The penis and vagina are compatible with each other, just as the gloves we wear fit our hands and just come and put them on.”
It should be explained to the child that people who love each other, fall in love and have grown enough can make babies
It can be explained that people who love and fall in love with each other can be together not only for the purpose of making babies, but also to show their love for each other. It should be emphasized that it must be grown enough for this, with the right people, with the approval and permission of both parties.
8-9 years It is an age range that should be explained to the child with the basic meanings of terms such as sexual abuse and rape.
8-9 years is the age group where children are most curious about and try to learn about sexuality. Accurate information should be provided in a time when information is easily accessible through the Internet, social media and friends.
For example: “People who love each other and are in love can have sex when they are old enough. If you decide to have sex with someone, you need to make sure that person loves you as much as your parents do. If it is rape; It is when one person forces another person to have sex by threatening, intimidating or without their consent. This is wrong and those who force sex should be punished.”
9-11 years is an age period that begins to enter adolescence.
Children have started to think abstractly. We should be able to leave aside the taboos about sex and sexuality and answer the questions in the mind of the child.
12 years and later
Children begin to form their own tastes by the age of 12, and in this case, it should be checked whether the child has acquired sound knowledge. The child’s questions should be listened to first, it should be learned what he knows and how much, and the questions in his mind should be answered. Our own value judgments and thoughts about sex and sexuality should be shared with the child and discussed in a comfortable environment.
Exp. Dr. Figen Karaceylan Çakmakcı
Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist
