At the beginning of the questions asked by families, ‘why behave like this, how do we understand our children’ comes first. In fact, knowing the basic psychological facts is essential for establishing proper communication. We all see events through our own mental lens. The degree to which this lens refracts reality varies from person to person. Just as someone who wears glasses forgets that they wear them after a certain period of time, we also forget that our thoughts on events are our own interpretations and that they are biased. Forgetting this fact causes serious problems and especially in communication with children of families.
For example, if our child’s success in school drops and he becomes reluctant to go to school, usually parents make a brief inquiry about what is happening at school. If there is no concrete reason from the child or the teacher, he is found guilty. The culprit is laziness (in its own lens). His children are tired of the lessons, he has no eyes to read. In fact, what is happening is to act hastily and label it negatively without thoroughly analyzing what is happening in the child’s world, why he reacts like this, and how he feels. Sometimes this type of reluctance causes traumas that cannot be told to the parents because they are afraid, sometimes learning problems and sometimes anxiety. Making quick inferences just by looking at their children’s reactions brings along many problems. Therefore, it is necessary to approach the world of our children with a positive interest, to accompany their emotions and to improve our communication skills. I summarize what needs to be done as ‘opening the ears, closing the mouths’.
Hope to understand our children and each other well.
Best regards…
