WHY CAN’T WE SAY NO TO PEOPLE?
Can’t you say no to your mother, father, spouse or even your children in your social life, business life, home?
Going to places you don’t want to go because you can’t say no, wearing the clothes you want to wear because you can’t say no to your spouse, trying to meet your partner on the day and time they want, not being able to speak up when you’re offended by your friends, studying in the city they want and choosing a profession because you can’t say no to your family. does it sound familiar? Did you find a part of yourself while reading?
So why are we doing this?
We all want to be loved by someone in this life. We want to be present in someone’s life. However, sometimes we can cause different results by taking wrong steps in our desire to be loved and accepted. We allow people to impose some sanctions on our lives by doing whatever they want, by not being able to say no to them, even if we don’t want to. Without realizing that we are gradually losing our self-respect.. In a way, by not being able to say no, we allow people to use us.
What is the source of this inability to say no?
Although there are many reasons, you may have had parents who could not say no during childhood. You may have gained this inability to say no with social learning. Your language of love and communication may be trying to keep up with everything. Or, from a very different perspective, you may have grown up in an oppressive family. You may be subject to various punishments when you do not do what they want. You cannot say no because it is subconsciously settled that you will be subject to a punishment when you say no traumatically. As an example of not being able to say no, parents who show ‘offended’ behavior to their children as an attitude when they are young, cannot say no to their friends, lovers, spouses and even their spouses’ families in order not to experience ‘offence’ in the future because they portray their children as ‘I will ignore you if you do not behave as I want’. This of course creates big boundary problems.
Being able to reject people when you start saying no will increase your self-confidence. You will begin to gain respect. People who see your own limits will not cross it. If you think that you can’t say NO to people, you can get therapy support.
Psychologist Beyza Akçalı
