- Can you tell about yourself? What are your areas of expertise?
I am Ecem Canbilek, I was born and raised in Ankara. As a psychologist, I serve my clients in my own psychological counseling center in Ankara.
Since my childhood, my interest in psychology led me to study psychology in order to do research in this field and improve myself. Since my profession has been a passion for me since my childhood, I never thought of working in another field. Today, I still do my job with great desire and motivation, I continue to improve myself and share my knowledge with my clients with the pleasure of doing what I love every day.
I completed my undergraduate education at Atılım University, Department of Psychology as a High Honor Student. During my education, I received training in areas such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Schema Therapy, Family and Couples Therapy, Stress Management, Crisis Intervention, Mindfulness. My contribution to research and science began even during my university years with my article titled “Relationship Between Test Anxiety and Academic Performance”, which was published in an international journal, on the relationship between test anxiety and academic performance. I am currently continuing my education life with my thesis research on the effects of social media on body image in the Clinical Psychology Master’s program at Dublin University.
I serve my clients at Ecem Canbilek Psychological Counseling Center in Ankara. In my institution, I provide counseling in areas such as Family Counseling, Marriage and Couple Counseling, Child Play Therapy, Child Picture Analysis, Adult Therapy, Online Therapy, and I apply tests such as Thematic Perception Test, MOXO Attention Test when necessary.
In addition to these, as a member of the Turkish Psychological Association, I work voluntarily in many social responsibility projects and I share daily posts in the field of popular psychology and personal development on my “Psychologist Ecem Canbilek” page on Instagram. Voluntary psychological support activities for our citizens who need psychological support due to the earthquakes that took place in our country on February 6 and had an impact in 10 provinces continue.
On which subjects do couples frequently apply? What are the problems in marriage?
Couples can sometimes experience emotional difficulties and some disagreements in their relationships. In fact, the basis of the problems experienced is the lack of communication problem caused by the partners not talking about their problems in their relationships. Moreover, when the involvement of third parties in their relationships, sexual problems, insecurity, inability to create a common future plan, intellectual, social and emotional incompatibilities are added to this, the situation can become inextricable.
For example, excessive jealousy of one of the partners to the other can make life and relationship unbearable for the other partner. Or, especially in marriages, the excessive intervention and manipulative behavior of one of the partners’ family in marriage may weaken people’s belief in each other and then in the institution of marriage. With my clients who have negative experiences about cheating, I encounter problems such as not being able to establish long-term partnerships and creating a common future plan. In some cases, I also frequently encounter clients who put pressure on their partners due to the overcompensation of their search for trust and who experience cognitive distortions with questioning behaviors. Although cheating is seen as an important problem between couples, it is a situation that has devastating effects due to the insecurity it creates in individuals. Sometimes, even when one spouse is extremely attached to the other, the thought of cheating can unnecessarily complicate the relationship.
The important thing at this point is that the partners who have the problems I mentioned above accept the situation they are in and if they cannot find a solution, they decide to seek professional support with the intention of maintaining their relations and making them comfortable.
- When to start couples therapy?
If the problems in the relationship have reached a point where it is difficult for the partners to overcome, I think it is important to seek psychological support. Even sharing the experiences of individuals in an objective and impartial environment, accompanied by a couples therapist, sometimes helps them to take a healing path.
As soon as couples realize that they have difficulty in coping with problems in their relationships, if they feel inadequate to find a solution or if they want to increase the satisfaction they get from their relationships, they can start couples therapy. It is important to take early measures before the problems between the couples escalate and become unmanageable. However, it should not be forgotten that a decision to be made for couples to solve problems in their relationships is never a late decision. The important thing is to accept the situation and look for a solution. In this way, they will gain the ability to cope with different problems that may occur in the future.
- How is couples therapy going?
First of all, our goal is to create a suitable environment of trust for partners to mutually express their feelings. The privacy and confidentiality of the subject to be evaluated here is as important as the trust they will have in their therapists in the setting where the therapy will take place.
In the first stage, it is ensured that the clients evaluate the situation by identifying the problems and thinking that the problems originate from both sides. It should not be forgotten that the relationship is lived between two people and here, taking on all the problems or avoiding responsibility by putting all of them on your partner creates a deadlock rather than a solution. Instead, meeting on the common ground, raising awareness and developing change targets are the developments targeted at the first stage.
In the second phase, appropriate therapeutic procedures are applied for the partners to develop their own solutions to the problems. At this stage, couples are expected to gain a realistic perspective and learn to communicate with the “I” language. Because sentences that start with “you”, let alone helping you express your feelings and thoughts, cause your partner to display a defensive attitude, and instead of understanding you, the discussions turn into fights. It is at this stage that the couples question whether they have realistic expectations from each other and the realization of high expectations.
It is not a realistic approach to limit therapies as the last stage, but couples are now expected to reflect on the experiences and experiences they have gained in previous sessions. They can maintain healthy relationships by using the skills gained in therapy in the problems they will experience in their later lives. It should not be forgotten that psychological support is a process that also includes psychological training.
