Man is in constant interaction with himself and his environment from birth to death. First we see the mother, we hear her voice, we feel her skin. We feed on it, we watch it and learn. Then the father comes into our view, a stranger for us… Not soft like the mother, we feel harder lines when we touch it. His beard sinks, we hear a thicker tone. We gradually learn the differences. The idea that people are different first starts here. As we grow, other people come into our lives. Other sounds, other smells, skins, looks… We learn about each one in turn. The more we build relationships with them, the more we build relationships with ourselves. To embark on a journey with them means to set out with ourselves first. Who are we and what do we like?
Now I want you to review the relationships you have established.
When you look back, did you always establish the same relationships? People are different, times and places are different, but the scenario is always the same… You always get the same results with the same feelings. All you have is “This time it will be very different, this person is very different, he treats me very differently, it feels very different.” sentences and some disappointment remain. So why do you always experience the same things?
I would like to color the subject with a very simple example. Let’s say Person A has a difficult family life. His parents’ relationship is negative, and his relationships with himself and his parents are likewise negative. A’s father constantly criticizes A and A’s mother negatively, does not listen to them, reads what he knows. In the name of establishing authority, it kind of teaches A who is the boss. He drinks alcohol, shows violence after drinking; After sobering up, he tries to get heart with simple efforts. After time in A, he takes someone very similar to his father into his life. Just like her relationship with her father, she finds herself in relationships where she is criticized, manipulated and exposed to violence. Moreover, even if these relationships end, new ones begin. And there is always this sentence in his language; “Types like this always find me. X was like that, Y was like that…” Do these types really find A? Or does A drag itself into such a loop?
A drags itself into this loop yes, but it does not do it consciously. The unconscious wants to go to the place where the trauma is and solve that trauma. In childhood we do not have enough power to change someone or ourselves and we accept situations as they are. However, when we grow up, we believe that we have the power and opportunity to change. Exactly for this reason, we re-establish relationships that hurt, wear us out, and that we could not resolve (which we were not able to solve in a timely manner). A could not, could not change his father in the past. But now he’s grown, he can change X, Y. The unconscious acts with this motivation. Why can’t he change it? Why doesn’t change happen this time, even though he’s not a child and is now in a position to change? Because she feeds the same behavior patterns without realizing it. As the trauma is not resolved, the same events are repeated. It is actually a desire to heal, but the person is stuck in the same place because he does not know how to heal.
The closer we get to the solution, the closer we gain insight into what we did or didn’t do.
Go back to yourself, examine the relationships you have built, look for your most dominant emotions in these relationships. The answer is coming soon, inside your mind…
