gaslighting
Gaslighting is a method of psychological manipulation and a game of perception. Over time, the person exposed to this begins to question their own perception and memory and begin to doubt their mental health. Thus, he gradually loses his decision-making mechanism and becomes dependent on the other person in every respect.
The term originated from a theater play called Gas light in 1938. It was made into a movie in the 1940s. The male character in the play tries to convince his wife that he is crazy by making him doubt his own sanity.
Gaslighting is a perception game often used by narcissists and psychopaths. But inside everyone there is a little narcissism. A little bit of narcissism can lead to gaslighting, not necessarily at the level of narcissistic personality disorder. In general, gaslighting is experienced by the most trusted and closest people. First, it starts as a nuclear family, parents and siblings, and then continues by friends and partners. The most common one is gaslighting applied to the partner.
Gaslighting has three phases in bilateral relations: idealization (love bombing), devaluation and sacrificing. In the first phase, the person gives the image of being an ideal person for their partner. It creates the stage of trust and creates a perfect image for both the partner and the environment, arousing admiration. In the devaluation phase, gaslighting begins. It makes the person feel bad by implicitly blaming and criticizing. At this stage, it is very important to realize the accusation and to get defensive. There is very often distortion, reflection and change of subject between topics and words. Even if the person is right about most things, they may find themselves apologizing at the end of the event. It leaves the person vulnerable by isolating them. Sometimes he can play the victim role to try to undo what he has done. In the final stage, sacrifice, the victim is abandoned. The self of the gaslighting person has disappeared. He began to blame himself and became convinced of his worthlessness.
So how is gaslighting detected? If the person needs to explain himself all the time, apologizes all the time, has difficulty in making decisions on his own, has started to take permission in terms of material and moral, that is, if he completely adapts to the will of the other, if he finds himself in the argument even if he does not want to, if there is a feeling that there is something wrong, if the thoughts and beliefs have lost their clarity. may have been exposed to gaslighting.
Who am I, what do I want and how do I feel? This is a question that should be asked to oneself frequently in bilateral relations. Am I also doing this to someone? It should be questioned. Gaslighting can often be difficult to notice, as it is practiced by very close people and distorts perception over time. Recognize, identify the problem, release your suppressed emotions and allow yourself to feel.
