After the earthquake disaster that swept the whole country, unfortunately, many people are trying to cope with the pain of losing a loved one. This loss and mourning process can vary from person to person and depending on many factors. Specialist Psychologist Ezgi Dokuzlu from Anadolu Health Center stated that the effect of the environment and culture in which the person lived, grew up, relations with others, coping methods, spiritual beliefs, how the loss occurred, the magnitude of the loss, its proximity and coping strategies are different. It is normal to experience cognitive, emotional and physical reactions. However, the gradual deterioration of social, occupational and personal functionality, despite the passage of an average of 6 months, can be defined as traumatic grief.
Specialist Psychologist Ezgi Dokuzlu from Anadolu Medical Center gave the following information about the grieving process and stages, as well as explaining the ways to support people who lost their loved ones in the right way:
first phase
It is the phase of numbness. The first reaction of the individual who learns that the person he loves has lost his life is shocked and cannot accept that he has lost the person he loves, falls into the void and is disappointed. Denial and disapproval are normal. This phase can last from a few hours to several weeks. The person may be afraid of feeling good, feel guilty. He can project his anger around him. He may have trouble calming down or be more unresponsive than usual.
second phase
It is the phase of longing and searching for the lost person, which can last for several months or years. After the loss, the person begins to understand the truth better. The person compares the speech, behavior or appearance of someone he sees outside to the person who has lost his appearance. The grieving individual oscillates between two mental states. Longing and pain. The feeling of longing also brings the behavior of searching for the person who lost his life.
third phase
It is the stage of mental depression and hopelessness. The person may harbor hostility towards the people who comfort him because he thinks that the comforter does not care about the person who lost his life and accepts this situation. In some cases, he may even think that he may be responsible for the death of the person. In such a situation, the mourner does not expect consolation from those around him, but rather respect for the loss.
fourth stage
It is the recovery phase. The grieving person is now stronger against negative emotions. She can control her anger, accept that her life will not be the same, empathize more and get her life back in order. The absence of the lost person is accepted and routine life begins. Meanwhile, socialization is experienced and new skills are acquired. This process is not just the healing or healing phase of the wound. The person begins to carry on with his new situation what he had before. It tries to adapt to the new reality.
How do children experience the grieving process?
3-5 years: Changing living conditions and disrupted order cause children to experience adaptation problems. Especially in this age group, a state of fear, bewilderment and insecurity occurs in connection with the effect of natural disasters.
6-11 years: Children in this age group begin to reach maturity to make logical interpretations of events. Seeing that adults are also vulnerable and weak to disasters, they may lose confidence in them.
Ways to support people who have lost and are in the process of bereavement
- Careful speech should be given by calmly and carefully choosing words, speaking slowly, and allowing silence at appropriate times.
- Privacy should be ensured for the missing person. It is necessary not to pressure and overwhelm him to support him constantly.
- It can be emphasized that the person cares with a light touch on his hand or shoulder or by sitting next to him.
- By allowing the mourning to be lived in the desired environment, all behaviors regarding the law should be accepted and it should not be forgotten that the reactions given are individual.
- After a devastating and wearing disaster, there may be a state of reluctance, weakness, and depression for up to 4-6 weeks. We must not forget that this process is normal. We should try to spend this process with our loved ones, if possible.
- Of course, there will be thoughts and feelings about this disaster in our minds. But what we received from external factors tired us out. We should focus on daily life by limiting the news about the earthquake for a while.
- A suitable environment should be provided for the person to be aware of their loss and express their grief by allowing them to experience their emotions.
- It should be accepted that emotional confusion is normal. Changes in the person’s behavior before and after the loss should not be emphasized.
- A calm, mourning and safe environment should be provided. We must not forget that conversations are less important than being present at such times.
- It is very important to help the person who has lost a loved one find ways to maintain their ties with the person they lost.
- Talking to someone who has experienced a loss before can be very helpful to the grieving person. The person may feel better by thinking that they are understood.
Source: (BYZHA) – Beyaz News Agency
