Divorce is the termination of the identities of men and women as spouses. If a child has been born in that marriage, besides being a spouse, the identities of the parents are also important.
However, if the spouses have children and are getting divorced, their parent identities do not end until the end of their lives, they only become spouses.
Although divorce is a difficult decision for spouses to take, it is not easy afterward. Especially for children, the process should be structured in a healthy way. So what should parents pay attention to in this process?
When breaking up with your spouse, try to establish a healthy separation process whenever possible. Do not part with each other, burning all the ships, as if you will never see each other again. Because you will need to get together for your child.
Do not tell your child all the details of the reason for your divorce. Especially if the marriage has ended because of a third person, the child who learns this may start to feel anger towards his parents.
While explaining your decision to divorce and the next process to your child, appear before him as a parent. Since this is a situation that concerns both of you and you have taken this decision together, it is important that you inform together.
Your child may react after learning about your divorce decision. Do not try to extinguish or suppress these reactions. Let them express their feelings and thoughts freely.
Even if he doesn’t react, keep him under observation for a while. It may give delayed reactions after a few weeks.
If your child goes to school or daycare, inform the teacher as well. Have her teacher observe her and her behavior at school.
Talk to other family members. As parents, you should make a similar statement to your child about the divorce process.
Having different discourses can damage the sense of trust in children.
Do not vilify one another against your child. Statements such as “We divorced because of your father” or “We could still be married if your mother had agreed” will not only upset your child deeply, but also increase his anger towards you.
Take care to show the same consistency after your divorce, as you were with your child when you had a family union.
The consistency displayed by divorced parents, the way they set rules and boundaries is very important for the development and psychology of children.
Do not make promises to your child that you cannot keep. If you can’t take him for a ride on the weekend, don’t make promises just to keep him busy. This may cause your child to lose confidence in you.
