Infancy is a very important period in which the family can be prepared to prevent undesirable behaviors before they even begin, and to provide early and effective solutions when they do. Families often perceive their children positively. However, the child who is loved and cherished may also have behaviors that are perceived negatively by the family.
Families react to the child’s behavior in line with personal and social expectations and sometimes in line with their mood at the moment. For example, the patience of a mother who has been struggling with housework all day may not be the same as her patience in the morning. The child’s intention may not be to commit an undesirable behavior. Often in infancy and early childhood, the goal of children is to get what they want or wonder, or there is an emotion such as excitement or anger underlying the behavior. Since the family focuses on the behavior, they may not notice these feelings and thoughts. Regardless of the method to be used, the family needs to better understand the child’s feelings and thoughts. Because the solution will come only in this way.
Basic principles;
- To increase the relationship with the child in general, communication and positive feedback. All methods to be applied should be based on this basis. Underneath many undesirable behaviors is the child’s desire to attract attention in order to have intercourse. For example, a child who cannot otherwise attract his mother’s attention may do this by causing disturbances. For children, even a negative relationship is better than no relationship. Understanding the child’s perspective is very important, the best way to do this is to give him more time, attention and affection. The child who is loved, whose personality is respected, loves and respects others.
2. We should first try to find out what happened before and after the undesirable behavior and to determine its frequency. Sometimes, we may surprise children with inconsistent behaviors that we do out of desperation, such as giving him a lot of attention when he kicks them first, and finally giving him what we don’t want to give. Behavior has a before and an after. It causes it to start before, and what is obtained after determines whether it will be repeated or not.
3. Children learn best by imitation, and they may not know what is positive and what is not. Set an example by showing positive behavior yourself. Children often learn what they see, not what they hear. Children are always in a state of learning. It is very important not to have high expectations from them. Let your rules be few, logical and easy, follow them and repeat them often.
Source: Ertem İÖ, Developmental Pediatrics 2005 Pediatrics Research Foundation
