Psychology rules us

In one way or another, we all have traumas. Until these traumas, which must be overcome in time, are discovered and awareness is raised; It accompanies us, our behavior and thoughts throughout our lives until we intervene. While we think that we are free and active on the decisions we make, we actually live unaware that our traumas are directing us in the events we are in.

Everyone has traumas because no one—parents included—is perfect. Of course, the people who raise us will make mistakes, besides, not everyone is an expert in children’s pedagogy, and we cannot all be. Having traumas means having a motive that governs us independently of us, and it is scary because we are not free over what we do. These traumas come from the past, can’t they be resolved? These traumas can be your strength when they are solvable and even healthy. Discovering and responding to your traumas is like picking up the tick that’s stuck on you, and relieving the feeling of hunger that prevents you from thinking about anything but eating when you’re hungry. It is almost as if you are reborn when you realize that you have attained your true freedom. At that time you could not intervene because you were a child or naive. Now your life is in your hands and the decisions you make are your responsibility.

So what are these traumas and how do they manage us?

Let’s try to answer this question with an example based on some traumas.

First, let’s see if you have one or more of the traumas listed below.

1. Trying to fix others

2. Trying to please everyone

3. Dependence,

4. need for external validation

5. fear of abandonment

6. Reducing the priority for their own needs,

7. The need to prove oneself

8. Tolerating behavior that crosses borders

9. Compromising on principles

10. Attracting a narcissistic partner

11. Don’t have trouble setting limits.

Only a few traumas were mentioned above. Let’s try to bring an example of how these traumas rule our lives.

If an individual who grows up in a house whose family is concerned with the beauty of the bride rather than the character and morality of the bride who will come to the house, and who is constantly exposed to these examples, needs to prove himself to his family, his environment and even himself (7), that is, if his sense of self is low, he will find a partner that he thinks his family and surroundings can approve. then he may exhibit behaviors that do not suit him in order to obtain it. All these behaviors are actually needs to prove oneself. The motive for loving his partner was his traumas rather than his own thoughts. In order to get this partner and maintain the relationship with him, he may do things he would never normally do, and start to think very differently. That is, he may exhibit behaviors that go beyond his own limits (8) The motive here is that his chosen partner is perfect for him and should not leave him because if he exists, the person also exists. In such cases, when one starts to see the other person as perfect, when a behavior that would not normally be welcomed by the partner is tolerated, he is taken down more than once, he compromises himself so that the partner does not let him go. (Because she believes that if she says no, her partner won’t like it and she will let herself go.) Therefore, she is afraid of abandonment (5) A partner who is constantly tolerated may abandon her responsibilities of respect and love, thinking that the other person will not be able to let go of herself, and may start to display narcissistic behaviors only towards herself irresponsibly as she wishes. thus, the person also reveals the narcissistic partner (10) because all these traumas breed and create the ground for such behavior and kind experiences. These behaviors are also traumas that fit the description of narcissistic people and behaviors. Even in such cases, since the narcissist partner looks perfect, every act of his/her behavior is accepted as correct, the person feels guilty in the events and may fall in love with the narcissist partner more. (The reason why it is considered perfect at the subconscious level is that the person finds the person to close the psychological gap and tends to see him as superior. It is not done consciously.)

That being the case, you become vulnerable to manipulation and at the same time you try to manipulate. All of this actually happens on a subconscious level, unaware of you.

So why does the subconscious do this to us, is it bad?

When the development tasks that need to be lived on time and skipped properly are not fulfilled, the subconscious mind’s mechanism is coded to meet these needs, and it tries to complete it and does this for your self-integrity. In other words, since the things that you need to do, experience and finalize consciously have not been experienced in time, he actually tries to help by doing it after the curtain in the future processes, because personality integrity cannot be achieved without completing these development tasks.

In this sample we went to, we witnessed what behaviors and what causes a single trauma. All of these traumas can have such a powerful effect on our thoughts and behavior. The solution to these requires a psychological surgery. In Psychological Counseling sessions, you develop a perspective by interpreting your life story that you will bring to your Counselor. This surgical intervention may vary from consultant to consultant, but in general: It is shaped by the definition of the problem, its discovery (where it originated) and the intervention (what your real you will do).

All these are dark roads that should not be traveled alone. If you think you can do it on your own, you can choose to watch and read books, articles, video broadcasts that are suitable for you and your subject, or you can discover yourself in the company of an expert.