During the exam period, parents are at least as worried as their children. Anxiety is a contagious emotion. Worries about your child’s future reflect on your child. Therefore, first of all, families should try to reduce their own anxiety. Increasing our child’s anxiety is not just about putting pressure on him or saying negative words. Even if we use positive sentences, if the messages you give with our body language, facial expression and tone of voice are negative, our anxiety will pass to our child. If what comes out of the mouth is inconsistent with what the bodies say, the student will pay more attention to body language. If you think, ‘I want you to be successful and happy’ and ‘be successful so that we don’t become disgraced to the environment’, you cannot support him. Even saying ‘we trust you very much, we believe that you will succeed’ can cause anxiety and the thought of ‘they trust me too much, if I fail my family’s trust’ in anxious children who take too much responsibility. For this reason, it will be comforting for the child to focus on the process rather than the result and say, ‘We believe you do your best, even if you fail from time to time, you will continue to work and try your best, you will reach the goal you want, we are by your side, we are ready to do our best for this’.
Always make him feel how much you love him. A child needs motivation to be successful. For this, it is necessary for the child to believe that he has the capacity to succeed and to enjoy achieving it. Children are most happy when they receive praise from their parents. When children begin to feel that they are disappointing their parents, feelings of inadequacy and inadequacy arise. If you ask our child more than his capacity, do not see what he can do, show what he cannot do, and say that he is lazy all the time, after a while the child also accepts this situation, loses his self-confidence and motivation to work and struggle. Children who receive love and attention only when they are successful, and who are criticized for their failures, may not trust themselves and may have test anxiety at the slightest failure, as they will only attribute their values to success. He does not focus on whether he has learned the subject, but only on whether he will get good grades in the exam, he cannot concentrate on studying without thinking about whether he will be successful in the exam, he forgets what he knows during the exam because of excitement.
Avoid excessive sacrifices and do not be reminded of them, making excessive financial sacrifices, constant reminders of these sacrifices make the student unable to study, “I have to respond to these sacrifices of my family.” He may worry more about thinking in the form of
Stay away from negative motivation. Some parents to increase the motivation of their children; Words he says like ‘You can’t earn with that much work’ will not only make him work because of ambition, but also cause the child to become stubborn or unable to work out of anxiety
Never compare your child with other children or set an example. Your child will feel what you feel when your spouse or child compares you to others. He cannot see his own shortcomings or exaggerates, gets angry, blames you, decreases his motivation, and increases his anxiety. “Your uncle’s daughter won the medicine, you can’t get near her because of her mood, don’t embarrass us.” etc. Such approaches can harm your child. The child thinks that his success in the exam is important in the eyes of his family and others, and gives an unrealistic meaning to the exam.
Try to be realistic in your expectations of your child. When viewed objectively, they may have strengths in certain areas as well as weaknesses in certain areas. Don’t have excessive expectations. Every parent thinks their child is special. If your expectations and what your child can do are compatible with each other, your child may experience less anxiety. Sometimes excessive flattery, the words ‘Very smart but not working’ can cause the child to see himself in the giant mirror and become lazy. The message you will give to our child; ‘Whatever you do, do your best, our expectation should be ‘not for success, but for purposeful, planned, programmed, working’.
It should be explained to the child that exams are not a measure of his personality, that losing is as much a part of life as winning, that it is not the end of life. Perfectionist parents who want the best cause the child to fear making mistakes. It is important to make the child think about his mistake and to be able to talk about the solution together. Being able to say “you look sad, we can talk about what you lack in order to get a good grade in your next homework, in your exam” instead of “I told you, you made a mistake, you leave it to the last minute” to a child who got low grades in the exam or homework helps the child learn from his mistakes. provides.
