Working Mothers
Mothers who raise their children by working say it is the hardest thing in their life. Some of the working mothers work because they have to work due to economic inadequacies, while others work in order not to lose their economic independence or stay away from their profession. In both conditions, the most important problems of working mothers can be grouped as follows;
- Looking for a babysitter,
- Overloading, mental and physical fatigue,
- Guilt.
a. SEEKING A CHILD SISTER
Parents decide together before birth who will take care of your child.
If the person you choose to care for your child is a relative:
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Make sure this person is truly willing and available to care for your child, Ask this person to take care of your child in your own home if possible, Have your child stay with you at night and on weekends, Tell this person clearly about all your expectations regarding your child’s care and education, and when the parents are together . |
If the person you choose to care for your child is a babysitter,
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Ask this person to look after your child in your own home, Do not demand that you stay in your home to care for your child, Prescribe the work schedule and job description of the caregiver Determine your child’s care and education, and inform this person clearly and when the parents are together, See your child with this person for a sufficient time and gradually move away from home at certain times of the day before starting to work and keep your child in this situation. gradually get used to prolonged separation. |
When looking for a nanny for your child, pay attention to the following;
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List the features you are looking for in a caregiver and prioritize them (you may not find someone who fits your expectations), |
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If possible, visit the caregiver at home, observe her relationship with her children, |
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interview her references and neighbors, obtain necessary documents. |
When looking for a nanny, make sure your child has the following features;
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To be clean, orderly and honest, To have an orderly family life, To be punctual and prompt To be affectionate and smiling, To be flexible and tolerant, not to be strict-prescriptive, To be open to innovation and change, not to be fixed-minded, Responsibility and initiative to have communication skills, The child to be looked after in terms of age and personality should resemble his mother, To be patient, Educated, self-educated and conscious , Does not have a disease that may affect the child or the continuation of work, Does not smoke. |
b. OVERLIABILITY, MENTAL AND BODY FAILURE
The most important problem of a working mother is overloading and fatigue; because this problem seems insoluble and insurmountable to mothers. There is a familiar order; The things to do at home and at work are already determined, now a baby who turns night into day has been added to all of them, and the day is 24 hours, so fatigue is inevitable. Putting it that way, it really doesn’t seem like there’s much to be done for the working mom. However, the situation is not so hopeless, working mothers can easily lighten their to-do list;
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During periods of increased load, both at home and at work, only deal with your urgent and important tasks for a while |
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Try delegating some work to others, from your colleagues at work; If you are at home, ask for help from your spouse, any other children or relatives. Since you are a woman, you may be more interested in your home than your spouse when you have no children, this does not mean that the same order will continue. |
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When you feel that your load is too high, give up some of your habits completely, you can even prepare a “cancellation list” for yourself in advance. For example, you can’t get a regular helper for household chores and you find it necessary to clean the cabinets of the kitchen every two weeks and you don’t have time to spare for this anymore. Your spouse would never do such a job, your mother is too old, you can’t even think of offering such a thing to your friend… Then give up this habit or abandon this thought; You are no longer a woman who finds it necessary to clean the cabinets of her kitchen every two weeks. Kitchen cabinets can wait, your friends can wait, customers and even your manager can wait, but your child can’t. A person can probably resign from many things in his life, but he cannot resign from motherhood. |
c. FEELING OF GUILT
Guilt is a feeling experienced by almost every working mother, although the dose varies. To alleviate this feeling, you can think of:
– I have to work (I need to earn money for my child)
– I like to work (my child deserves a happy mother)
Most of the working mothers (except those who started a job after birth due to economic reasons) ) are working women even before they have children. Prolonged stay at home for a productive woman with a previous working life creates professional anxieties and social and emotional dissatisfaction. However, every child prefers a happy, productive, self-confident mother to a mother who has left her job and brushed her hair for herself. Remember that your child is your mirror; If you’re happy, he’ll be happy too, if you’re worried, he’ll be worried too. If you always fight with life, he will fight too.
Try to get rid of the feeling of guilt by planning your work, not stealing your child’s time for anything, and making the most of this time. A nature trip alone with him on the weekend is much better than being with him from morning to evening 5 days a week and not sharing anything. It is not important how long you are with your child, but how you evaluate this time. Try to focus on the quality of the relationship you have with your child and improving it, not on how little or how much this time is.
While trying to get rid of the feeling of guilt, you encounter situations that force you in practice, try not to dwell on them too much. For example; When you leave your child to the nursery or to his foster mother and go to work, he will cry for a while at first, this is very natural. These undoubtedly upset every mother and increase her sense of guilt. Try not to attribute such situations to the person who cares for your child, or even be happy that your child loves the person looking after him so much. You can also perceive these situations as a message that your child gives you; be with him and play more.*2
Remember,
being the child of a working mother gives a lot more in life than it loses.
*If you have crying for weeks and other accompanying problems, be sure to consult a specialist.
*2 Situations where the mother is uninterested in her child for any reason are not covered here and should be addressed separately.
