SET LIMITS ON THE CHILD
Today, there are sections of people who think that children will become individuals with high self-confidence when they are released. Contrary to popular belief, parents who set rules do not show less interest and love to their children, on the contrary, they make them feel safe by putting their lives in order, and they prefer to show their love in other ways. The rules set for children should be simple and understandable, but more importantly, these rules should be communicated and applied to children in a clear, concise and consistent manner. When parents behave inconsistently and unstablely, the children’s conclusion is “if the rules can be broken this time, they can be broken another time”. Boundaries also define relationships. « Who is in charge here? How far can I go? What happens if I go too far? » Answers to questions like
Children find through the boundaries drawn and the rules set. While applying the rules, it is important that the parents decide the rule together and apply the rule in the same way. One of the key points when making rules is that the parents are a model for the child. If the parent violates the rule set for the child, it would be unfair to expect the child to act in accordance with the rule in such a situation. You can hold a family meeting to share the rules with your child. At this meeting, your child can also share the rules they want. The important thing here is to give the message that this is not just your request, but that your child’s ideas are also important to you. It would also be misleading to conclude that “the more rules the better”. The important thing is to set the rules and boundaries clearly, rather than making many and varied rules. You need to set the rules in advance and talk to your child about which rule applies and when. Thus, the expectations of the parents are not met. If your child has difficulty in remembering the rules, you can benefit from picture tables in the preschool period and written agreements in the older ages.
Rules supporting healthy child development in preschool period
• During this period, parents should set rules about eating, sleeping and self-care, and briefly explain these rules to the child.
• There should be rules about not allowing harmful behaviors such as hitting and pushing, parents should follow a preventive attitude.
If your child doesn’t follow the rules you set…
• If your child does not follow a rule that you set together, first repeat the rule in a calm tone.
• When repeating the rule, try saying “I expect you to do……” in a firm but not harsh tone, instead of words like “please, I beg you, I beg you”.
• If, after repeating the rule, your child still refuses to comply, let him experience the consequences of his behavior by saying, “Well, we don’t go out like this because you’re not wearing a sweater and it’s very cold.”
• The use of physical punishment in the face of undesirable behavior also increases the disobedience behavior.
• When your child abides by the rules, you can verbally motivate him by saying “I am proud of you for listening to my word”.
• Non-compliance with the rules can sometimes be caused by attitudes towards parents, sometimes by the need for attention, and sometimes by inappropriate parental attitudes. This
Therefore, the main solution to the problem is not in the moment when the child does not comply with the rule, but in the arrangements to be made in his general life.
