Perhaps the most important point here is that when making the decision to divorce, parents try not to reflect their problems on children as much as possible until the result is clear. It is known that in many marriages, violent arguments continue at home for many years before the divorce, one or two of the parents have psychological problems, they live apart and reconcile many times. Children who witness all these processes experience intense anxiety stemming from uncertainty. Unfortunately, it is a common reality that parents sometimes reflect the anger they feel towards their spouses to their children due to their own psychological state and the tension caused by the conflict, and that they disparage their spouses and their families to their children. There is one very important point that all parents should know.
which means that a child consists of half of the mother and half of the father. Even if you don’t realize it, your child will feel as if every positive or negative word you say about the other parent was said about him.
Children of divorced parents often tend to blame themselves for the divorce. Sometimes even some words that are said with good intentions can cause this feeling of guilt to increase. For example, statements such as ‘I am not getting divorced for my children’ or ‘I can divorce your father-mother if you wish’ are very common. Waiting for children to make such a serious decision brings a heavy and lifelong burden rather than helping them.
The most basic symptom of psychological problems and psychiatric diseases is the effect of quality of life. Many emotional problems before and after divorce show themselves with school failure in children. Children may have distractibility, problems with the lesson, or non-compliance with school. It is important to understand the root of the problem in children experiencing school failure. In addition, divorce, child depression, anxiety disorder, etc. may trigger many psychiatric conditions. If there are divorce and similar traumatic reasons at the root of the problem; The child’s quality of life, parental attitudes, communication between parents, the mental state of the parents, how the child’s close relatives, etc., approach divorce, and the quality of the time spent with the parents should be carefully examined. Here is recommended to families; It is the termination of the divorce process without the loss of love and trust of the child from the beginning with a correct and solid cooperation. After the process, the parents said that they were divorced from being a wife; however, they should not forget that they are not divorced from being parents and should pass this on to the child. They should answer the child’s questions about divorce in a way that is appropriate for the development and needs of the child and reassuring.
Even if a divorce starts out of nowhere, there are things that can be done from the start. It is beneficial for the spouses to get expert support before the divorce, when they realize that they cannot solve their problems. If divorce is inevitable, preparing the child for divorce and getting expert help in the early period will prevent future problems. It is useful to get counseling about possible behavioral disorders that can be observed in the child after the divorce, the ups and downs in the emotional state, and the communication problems with the parents and the environment. In addition, early counseling assistance is very important and necessary in order to prevent possible problems that may occur with the remarriage of the parents, sibling relations, and the sibling born with the remarriage of the parents. As a result, divorce is a process that negatively affects all family members, regardless of the circumstances. But it should not be forgotten that; instead of the child being in an environment where emotional or physical violence is experienced; Being raised by peaceful, happy but separate individuals will allow him to develop as a much healthier individual.
The period in which the child suffers the most is the period when the conflicts within the family reach their climax, and the subsequent divorce decision is made and implemented. No matter how much the anger of the spouses towards each other and the anxiety they experience with their lives being on the eve of a complete change are tried to be controlled, children are affected by this difficult process. How children will experience the effects of divorce, the age of the child, the attitude of the family on this issue, the way they inform their children are closely related to the negative experiences in the family before the divorce. For example, spouses who decide to separate after a violent argument, perhaps physical violence, witnessed by the child, can use their children as a means to communicate their anger and hatred to each other.
as they can see. Here, parents are often unaware of the harm they have done to their children during their own troubled and painful process; whenever they find the strength to take control of their lives and start a new life, then they begin to realize the damage that children have suffered. Of course, this may be a late compensation in the lives of children.
In all this painful process, if the child is in adolescence and the parents have wrong attitudes, the account to be paid will be much heavier. In addition to the difficult process of the physical and emotional development of the young person in the adolescence period, the possibility of turning to wrong paths due to the negative experiences of his family and shifting the life line in different directions will increase. All these reasons make it necessary to pay more attention to the effects of the divorce process on the child and, if possible, to seek professional help in this process.
Reducing the negative effects of divorce on children is one of the important responsibilities of parents. After a violent argument between husband and wife from time to time, one of the parents suddenly leaves the house. In such a case, either the child automatically adds a meaning to the event or this situation is explained to the child by the parent who stays at home. No matter how objectively the separation is tried to be explained, the fact that the mother or father who left the house suddenly did not make an explanation causes the child to think that the parent left him or the child himself caused this situation. The ensuing anger and guilt also pushes the child under a heavy burden.
If we come to the points that parents should pay attention to in this regard; First of all, it is very important for parents to get couple therapy and individual psychiatrist support while making the decision to divorce. If the decision to divorce becomes clear as a result of psychiatric support and therapies, the parents should explain this decision to their children in a safe and calm language, share certain information about the themes such as where they will live, which school they will go to, whether they can see their parents, and answer the questions asked by the children. . Before and after giving this important speech, support should be sought from professional child and adolescent psychiatrists and psychologists. However, the decision should definitely and definitely be explained by the parents as people who the child knows and trusts. The healthiest thing is to be told that everyone is in a difficult situation emotionally, it’s not the kids’ fault, and the divorce is caused by problems between two adults. In this process, it is absolutely necessary for the parents to act together; Clear language appropriate to the child’s level should be used towards the child. If possible, it should be tried not to change the place where the child lives, and it should be avoided to put the child into difficult processes that require adaptation to a new place on top of the changes and troubles he has already experienced.
