Emotions are generally characterized by the fact that the individual reacts physiologically, cognitively and behaviorally to the current situations and phenomena in his life and is responsible for the new phenomena.
A sensory map emerges with the interaction of psychological, biological and external factors in an individual’s life. We can say this as expressing one’s experiences with emotions.
The first step of emotion regulation is provided by interacting with the caregiver, the behavior patterns of the people around and the social environment.
We become acquainted with emotions right after birth and they diversify as we grow. While feeling stress against attention and pain at first, anger, surprise, joy, fear, sadness, and shyness develop later on, and later on, these feelings are followed by empathy, jealousy, shame, guilt, pride and shame.
The general meaning of emotion regulation is regulation of negative emotions; It also includes sharing positive emotions. Emotion regulation skill is the ability of a person to regulate his emotions and behaviors in response to his emotional, cognitive or social needs developed in the face of a certain event or phenomenon. In other words, we can say that emotion regulation skill also includes emotional intelligence. There are four sub-dimensions of emotional intelligence in the literature. The first is to be aware of your emotions. The second is to practice behavioral patterns such as relaxation, relaxation, distraction, and not being pessimistic. The third sub-dimension includes the ability to be motivated. The fourth dimension is being aware of how others are feeling.
When the dimensions of emotional intelligence are also examined, its importance is understood more within the framework of close relationships. Namely, people want to be listened to and understood in their relationships, especially in their romantic relationships. Even looking at these two wishes alone, it is necessary to have the ability to express in order to be listened to. While expressing our feelings, we need to empty our ’emotional tanks’ and fill them with new ones, without ignoring our feelings, as Jonice Webb stated in her book ‘The Feeling of Emptiness’. In other words, we need to regulate. For these, the ability to ‘express’ is important. Now let’s sit on the opposite seat and take a look at the importance of emotional intelligence. Here, too, the ability of one of the individuals in a romantic relationship to understand the other, namely the ’empathy’ skill, comes to the fore. Being aware of what others are feeling, as expressed in the fourth sub-dimension of emotional intelligence. In this way, people demonstrate their emotion regulation skills in their close relationships. Let’s examine the positive aspects of this, both individually and as a couple.
With the skill of empathy, people form strong bonds. The most important thing is to meet the need for trust where one feels understood. Where there is trust, there is sincerity and warmth. To put it another way, emotions are like our hidden treasures. We may avoid expressing them where we do not feel safe or in front of the person. So much so that we attach importance to this in our first meetings with our clients and we conduct our first meetings under the title of trust relationship. While the relationship of feelings and trust between two people who do not know each other is so important, this issue gains more importance in close relationships. I think it will also express the warmth sought in close relationships, especially in terms of emotion regulation, namely relaxation and being pessimistic.
When we look at emotion regulation from another perspective, that is, from the negative side, I can say that these relationships are toxic or harmful to the individual or individuals when close relationships are observed in which emotion regulation is not provided and even emotions are not expressed. In saying this, when we consider it from a psychopathological point of view, the deactivation of individuals’ mood and behavior patterns paves the way for the emergence of somatic symptoms. I would like to support these statements with the following words of my dear Freud; ‘An unconfessed feeling never dies.’
From an individual point of view, psychopathological conditions harm the individual himself and will also harm those who maintain and live close relationships at the same rate. In this context, the importance of emotion regulation skills is understood more. The fact that individuals who have romantic relationships are healthy means laying the groundwork for their relationships to be healthy.
If we continue to look at it backwards, that is, from a negative perspective, this situation is reflected in the children of parents who do not have the ability to regulate emotion or are not in a relationship that can reflect this. There are studies on this subject. This is also mentioned in Jonice Webb’s book ‘The Feeling of Emptiness’.
Disruption in children’s emotion regulation patterns means the development of psychopathological symptoms in different ways. Anxiety disorders are more common in these children.
As a result, emotions and emotion regulation skills are very important both individually and in terms of romantic relationships and future generations. This may be the first issue that anyone who wants relationships and close relationships to be healthy, not just for individual ailments, will observe in their relationships. Because being healthy means laying the groundwork for healthy relationships. In order for an individual to be healthy, he needs another individual. Relationships that allow both individuals to be healthy, that is, to display their emotion regulation skills easily, can be preventive in terms of mental disorders as well as have an important effect in terms of some physical disorders.
Just as it may be a person who disturbs a person, it is also a person who heals a person. With the hope that the number of people we will heal and the people we will heal will increase…
