However, in some cases, parents cannot fully fulfill these responsibilities or show full competence in this regard. In such cases, the duties and responsibilities of parents in families can be placed on the shoulders of the child. to Munuchin
(1988), these responsibilities that should be fulfilled by the parents in the family, but are placed on the shoulders of the child, are rearranged by the members of the family to reach a state of balance (Cited by İplikçi and Şahin-Acar, 2019). However, the important thing here is to fulfill the responsibilities that the child must fulfill in accordance with his/her developmental characteristics (Yıldırım, 2016). In the literature, the concept of parenting in the child reflects the reciprocal replacement of the roles between the parent and the child and the same
At the same time, it means that the characteristics of the child’s developmental period are not taken into account. The child who is exposed to parentalization assumes responsibilities disproportionate to his age, and the child becomes the parent of his parents (Mika, Bergner, & Baum, 1987; Chase, 1999; Munichin et al., 1967). As a result of the literature review on the concept of parenting, it has been found that there are various definitions to explain the concept (Chase, 1999). According to Chase (1999), parenting is when the child puts his own interests and needs aside and becomes hypersensitive to the needs of his parents, giving up on himself and fulfilling the needs of his parents.
It refers to a process that it strives to bring. In this process, the child, who always tries to fulfill the needs of his parents, thinks that his own needs are not as important as the interests and wishes of others, makes this behavior a habit and begins to become insensitive to himself by continuing to use erroneous inferences in his future life. Thus, he makes it a habit to always give priority to others, regardless of his own needs.
According to Minuchin (1981), there are subsystems formed by individuals in every family and the members of the subsystems offer various clues about how the rules and boundaries in the family are or should be. In this context, the concept of parenting, which expresses the uncertainty of the boundaries between the subsystems that make up the family system or the incorrect and disadvantageous determination of these boundaries for the child, has been discussed within the relational framework (Boszormenyi-Nagy & Spark, 1973). According to studies, parents of children who become parents expect these children to be role models like their parents or spouses and to act in line with the responsibility of this role (Köyden, 2015). In summary, the balance of family relations is one of the most important points in the concept of parenting. Boszormenyi-Nagy and Spark (1973), which deals with the concept of parenting in a relational context; They expressed the concept of parenting as a disrupted and unequal relationship pattern in which parents expect the role of parenting from their children, as well as unjust division of duties in family subsystems. However, in some cases, it is known that parenting is not harmful when the balance in family relations is achieved in relations based on the reciprocity principle (Boszormenyi-Nagy & Spark, 1973). In other words, when the duties undertaken by the child for the parent and the parent for the child are balanced and mutual, parenting is no longer a problem (Chase, 1999). In this context, especially in Turkish culture, with the positive reinforcement of the self-sacrifice and mature behaviors of family children and the support of these behaviors, many children today can be exposed to parenting regardless of the age range within the family. Being able to set boundaries against the family of origin and to gain the ability to say no when necessary does not make the individual a worse person towards his family and other people in the society, on the contrary, it helps him to protect himself. I wish every individual to be aware of the phenomenon of parenting, which can be seen in every developmental period from childhood to adolescence, from adolescence to adulthood.
Expert Psychological Counselor
Zehra Ezer
